Russell has a nice discussion on who we should ask for priesthood blessings and on what occasions over at Times and Seasons. It reminds me of something I have occasionally done with new home teaching families.
The home teaching visit script generally begins with “So, how is your family this month?” and end with “So, is there anything we can do for you?” The answers are usually perfunctory: “We’re fine,” and “No, not that I can think of.”
I have often found in my own life that my home teachers are fairly low on the list of people I turn to when I have need of assistance, often because they are very busy people, and I have friends with more free time, and whom I am more comfortable asking. However, I also feel like home teaching would work a lot better if we all served each other as home teachers outside of our monthly visits.
One problem is getting beyond the feeling that asking your home teacher to do something for you is a major imposition, rather than an opportunity for service. To get around this, I have sometimes asked my new home teaching families at the end of my first visit to think of something I can do for them in the next month, trivial or not. Often this requires quite a bit of follow up, as families are either reluctant to do so, or simply can’t think of anything for me to do. By insisting on providing some kind of service, I make it clear that I welcome opportunities to do so, and get past the initial awkwardness that may prevent the family from asking me in the future to assist them in some way.
One family in particular asked me to serve by giving the father a blessing. After that, priesthood blessings became a fairly regular part of myservice to them. I think that initial offer to do something for that family encouraged them to think of me when they were in need of a blessing (my assigned companion at the time was hard to catch up with, so there was a lot of me and a random companion, in case you’re wondering why I say ‘me’ instead of ‘we’).
A complete aside: My current home teachers are a radiation oncologist and a child psychiatrist. The first time they visited and asked if there was anything they could do for us, my response was, “I sure hope not!”
When my home teachers ask what they can do for me, I usually tell them, with a very straight face, that I could really, really use a back rub. It makes for some awkward silences.
I’ll have to remember that one, Davis.
/glad I’m not Davis’ home teacher.
The whole perfunctory greeting and goodbye thing gets old and its fun to shake things up with something unexpected. So I applaud Davis’s approach to this.
Just maybe I’ll begin future hometeaching visits with an offer to do back rubs.
Bryce,
Another approach would be to ask more specific questions that relate to the resources the church has to offer. Some of the families you visit, depending on how long they have been members and their level of activitiy, may not know about the church welfare system, and the general “can we do anything for you?” won’t help them become aware of it.
Priesthood leaders can play an inspired role as well. Two examples from my prior stake:
The Stake had created a program called SMART Night (Students and Mentors Achieving Results Together). The Stake Presidency had concluded that many of the youth of the Stake were struggling academically, and that there was a correlation between academic achievement, self esteem, and in many cases, activity in the church. (If I struggle with reading, why go to church where they want me to read out loud and embarass myself). Once a week, any youth from the stake with tutoring needs met with adults from the stake who had expertise in academia, be it math, reading, science, etc., and worked with them to improve skills. For those who attended, it was a very helpful program, GPAs increased, etc. But the numbers of youth that were attending weren’t great, and the Stake Presidency was concerned that in too many cases, those attending were the kids with A averages looking for that A+ and not the C and D students who really needed help. So, they asked the home teachers to speak to their families about the program, find out why it wasn’t being utilized by those who weren’t using it, and what changes could be made to improve the program. We did so. The discussions that came out of that directive were great. It gave the home teachers a reason to focus on families as a whole, both kids and parents, and not just deliver a message. Through these discussions, we learned that for many kids, the problem was starting much earlier than the youth that had been targeted. We also learned that many of the youth who needed help needed one-on-one help and really couldn’t be served in the group setting. In some cases, just getting this on the table in front of the parents was enough, because the parents were in a position to help the kids themselves, but hadn’t really realized what help the kids might require. In other cases, members within the ward helped tutor. The hometeachers weren’t necessarily the tutors here, but served as the eyes and ears of the priesthood to ensure awareness of both needs and resources.
Another example: Our Perfecting the Saints committees (both HP and EQ) were asked to look for quarterly service projects that the Quorum/Group could perform for members of the ward. The committee asked that the hometeachers help them in identifying projects. So instead of asking “is there anything we can do for you?” the question was along the lines of “Well, Sister X, we are in need of a service project for next month. What do you have that needs done around here?” This simple change seemed to open people’s minds up a bit more. Home teachers came forward with ideas, and the priesthood responded. I got experiences I had never had. I helped pour a driveway and helped build a deck (a nice change of pace from the litigation grind of my workweek). There were also nice benefits in terms of quorum/group unity and fellowship. People came to understand that the hometeachers really were looking to help those they visited, and not just delivering the rote lines they had heard all their lives.
MDS:
I was interested to hear about your stake’s SMART program. That sounds great. I think something like it would be great for my stake.
Bryce, thanks for this post. It’s that kind of thinking that starts one on the road to magnifying his calling. I’ve always felt the lameness of the “anything I can do for you guys?” question, but I’ve never known how to repair that lameness. I’m going to try now.
I was a single mother for many years and I leaned heavily on my home teachers. They were wonderful. They baptized and confirmed my son, and when he died, they gave the prayers.
I have a strong testimony of home teaching and visiting teaching. I think it’s what the gospel is all about.
We have a nice home teacher now who would do anything for us, he’s a little on the rough side. I called him when my mother was in the hospital and my husband was out of town. He came with a man I despise, and he gave my mom a wonderful blessing. Even though he was scared to death, I had faith in him and in the priesthood that the other guy had and it was okay.
When we first married, my husband was a so-so home teacher. Now he is totally dedicated. And he is blessed more for it than the people he visits. Oh, in our ward, the high priests go with the deacons, and his little deacon is a cute kid. My husband makes him give a message or make appointments, or go chop and stack wood. I think that’s a great teaching moment for a kid.
One thing that I think is important for both home teachers and visiting teachers is becoming friends with the people you teach. I think that typically the greatest determining factor for how unified and spiritual a ward is comes from how good of friends they are with each other. Home teaching and visiting teaching is a key factor in doing that.
Regarding asking for help. I’m not sure we ought always wait to be asked. Further there are lots of things you can do to help each other ranging from shoveling snow to helping with yard work.
Of course I’m anything but perfect in this.
One approach I am trying to learn is simply to do something for the family I home teach. Rather than ask them what I can to, or ask them to keep me in mind, I try to think of something and just do it. Maybe it’s just a birthday card. Maybe I know one of the sons likes the Dodgers, so I find an article on the Internet about a player on the team and give that to the boy at Church. I’ve found that steps like that build trust and help me love the family.
I should have said that I tryto do those things. It’s a goal, not a reality. Yet.