By Kathy Soper
One scripture passage that always haunts me is Mormon 8:37-39, especially these lines from verse 37:
For behold, ye do love money, and your substance, and your fine apparel, and the adorning of your churches, more than ye love the poor and the needy, the sick and the afflicted.
I teach a small Family Relations class in Sunday School. Last week, during our Money Management lesson, it was pointed out how readily we think of ourselves as poor (in temporal goods), when in reality we’re all filthy, stinking rich.
We’ve got big houses (which we could plug in for “churches” in that verse above), multiple cars/TVs/computers, new clothes we don’t need, and countless things of comfort and/or status we accumulate.
One class member shared an experience, recently related by his missionary son, regarding a Chilean family he helped move into a home with a concrete floor and indoor plumbing. As we heard about this family’s gratitude and jubilance concerning their luxurious new surroundings, all of us felt truly sobered and humbled by our relative affluence, and the lack of care we often show for those in need.
I struggle continually with my reluctance (or even refusal) to go without extras so that others may have necessities.
Of course, defining “extras” is a sticky part of the problem. Back in the days when my husband and I had a social life other than each other, we often discussed this issue with some friends of ours. We each defined “extras” as “more than I’m used to having,” referring not to our starving-student surroundings, but to thefully-stocked homes we grew up in (and even that standard now seems outdated, given the bounty of new toys available).
We wondered, how much should we give to the poor? Or, a better question, how much should we give up for the poor’s sake? What standard of living should we consider indulgent? We knew we needed the Lord’s guidance to shape our individual decisions, but we also admitted that we might not really want to hear what the He had to say.
I know that giving money isn’t the only way to help the poor and needy, or even the most important part. Time, attention, energy — all are needed, and I face similar questions about these intangibles as I do about cold hard cash.
It’s easy to get a bit masochistic about this, and I haven’t found wallowing in guilt feelings to be very productive. The choice to not give more does not necessarily constitute a lack of love for those in need. We need to be careful not to deplete ourselves by being overzealous. And it’s easy to downplay what we’re already giving in our family and ward spheres. Still, I often think about Mormon’s stinging rebuke, wonder what I truly love, and worry about what some of my choices reveal.
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Kathy Soper is a full-time mother of 6 living in the Salt Lake Valley
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Kathy,
Well put. I struggle with this on a daily basis. I wish I had some answers to the questions you pose.
You distinguish between giving to the poor and giving things up for the sake of the poor. What does the latter mean?
gst:
It’s just another way of approaching the question. Instead of thinking in terms of dollar amounts (I’ll give $X a month) we could consider what extras we’re willing to go without for the benefit of the poor (I’ll go without that 8th pair of shoes, that Wendy’s run, that new CD, etc.) Thinking in those terms helps me become aware of the extravagance in my life. I might not think I have cash to spare until I think about all the things I’ve bought that I don’t need.
Wonderful post Kathy,
I love your idea on thinking about giving up extravagances in life rather than dollar amounts.
I have a friend who is a young widow in a heavily LDS populated area of the country. It has amazed us over the years how reluctant many Priesthood holders are to step in and assist with her boys. For example at the Priesthood Sessions of Conference very few men have ever offered to accompany her shy older boy to the session. She drives him to the Stake Center. He sits alone. When the session is over she drives back to the Stake Center and picks him up. Meanwhile men who have attended the session are passing by her house to and from the session and could easily take him and give him a sense of belonging. The scriptures admonish us about the widow and fatherless. Sometimes we think of the poor among us in financial sense when the need could be another kind of poverty.
I am a convert to the Church from a thirld world country and have lived in the States for the past 12 years. I have often pondered about this scripture and have felt that because it is so “controversial” a topic, it often goes undiscussed in Sunday School and Priesthood and Relief Society meetings. It is much easier to talk about other commandments we have been given than to talk about this gray area. Pres. Brigham Young said once that he was concerned that if our church was blessed with material blessings, it would be a huge trial for us. It sure is. I have also read Hugh Nibley’s writings and found them extremely applicable to our day in regards to our materialism. We feel self righteous about living the 10 comandments, the Word of Wisdom and Law of Chastity, but dismiss the “taking care of the poor” as if it is not part of the gospel. ISN’T THAT WHAT THE GOSPEL’S ESSENCE IS? How many times the Lord comands in the scriptures to give to the poor, to not be concerned with that that is not eternal, and also how hard it is for a rich person to enter the kingdom. This country is so abundantly rich (and mostly not because of its righteousness) that people feel that for some reason they deserve it and the rest of the world haven’t earned the riches somehow (think of those people in sweatshops working 12 hours a day for $0.25 an hour; how can they ever prosper). Not only we are commanded to give to the poor, but to give of “our substance”. That means to give not leftovers of our life, but that which is the essence of what we have, in terms of money and in other ways.
Kathy, anybody converted to the gospel who has thought about this issue has the same dilemma you do: how are we to deal with the exhortations to help the poor when we ourselves are comparatively extremely rich? Having lived amid extreme poverty in the Third World myself, I have come to the following conclusions:
1)Pay your tithing and give generously in fast offerings.
2)Perform your Church callings diligently. If you do so, you will inevitably encounter opportunities to help those poorer than yourself.
3)Budget well and don’t spend money on luxuries you don’t need.
4)Realize one of your first callings is to help your family.
5)Don’t go into serious debt without having a realistic plan to get out of debt, and then get out of debt as soon as you can.
6)Realize that one of the best ways you can help the poor is by bringing them the gospel so they can help themselves.
7)Try to go on a mission when you are older (which involves planning on good budgeting now).
8)When you encounter people in need, help them within your abilities.
9)Don’t kill yourself with guilt — there’s only so much one person or one family can do.
This is my plan. Is it enough? I probably won’t know until the reckoning process takes place, but for now I feel like it’s enough.
JA Benson,
A sad story, illustrating a kind of neglect that goes on in all kinds of neighborhoods/wards, regardless of financial status. I’ve sometimes found myself more willing to write a check than to offer friendship and companionship to others.
G. Bartholomew,
I appreciate you sharing your perspective. I especially needed to hear your point about not just giving leftovers. For one thing, it reminds me of how easy it is, and how foolish it is, to pat ourselves on the back for giving that extra can of olives to the food bank (which has been gathering dust in the pantry for months) or dumping a load of worn jeans off at Deseret Industries. But even more importantly, it underscores what’s often at the root of my reluctance to give: the natural man’s delusion of being separate from others.
Mother Teresa said, “We should learn to give. But we should not regard giving as an obligation, but as a desire.” I believe we should give even if only out of a sense of duty. But when giving is difficult, it’s usually because I’m not enabling a strong companionship with the Spirit, which fosters an awareness of my connection with all other people, even ones I’ve never met. Being able to identify with others, whether in my imagination or in a real-time situation, is what compels me to make that phone call, dig for change in my purse, or whatever else is needed — out of desire. When we’re giving with awareness, interest, and emotional/spiritual involvement, we’re giving of our substance.
Geoff,
I think it’s a great list, and I’m glad you shared it. The tricky parts remain, though, when trying to decide what’s a generous fast offering, what things are “luxuries we don’t need,” and what we’re “able” to give when we encounter someone in need. Of course those decisions are private, individual choices. And I don’t advocate going to extremes. It’s just important to remember that the natural man is good at rationalizing.
Again, it’s back to needing the Spirit, which brings the elusive answers that Davis mentioned, and also provides the desire to live according to those answers.
Thanks for all the input.
I hesitate donating (good stuff) to Deseret Industries because I just ‘know’ that someone in my ward, stake, or neighborhood (yes, the neighborhood is bigger than a stake here in West Jordan) could directly use the items we no longer need.
I’d like to see a program where a ‘donation coordinator’ is called from each ward and stake. Let’s say I have a couple of size 8 boys pants to donate (outgrown, but in good condition!). I email the ward coordinator (who has enough in with the Bishop/R.S. that he/she knows the welfare needs in the ward) about the pants. No ward needs, so he/she queries the stake database – a need in the 22nd ward pops up. Depending on the sensitivies I’m asked to deliever directly to the family or the ward donation coordinatior of the family or told that there are no present needs. I realize that this program might only work in dense Mormon populations and that computer technologies, if available, could do most of the work. Any ideas?
Since I’m still at a relatively early stage of life, I can only give my time & energy to the poor at the moment. However, I have come up of a list of nevers – things that I will never have or do, regardless of what my income will be:
1 – I will never own a new car. No reason to – you can save thousands of dollars by buying one that is 3 or so years old, and has relatively few miles.
2 – No expensive cars. Again, there is no need for these. Economical hondas, mini-vans (if i ever do have a family) etc. Anything like mustangs, prowlers, hummers, wrx’s, or any type of luxury car is just out of the question for me. Thats 10s of thousands of dollars that can do a lot of good.
3 – No huge houses. No need to live in a shack but there is no need for 4 stories either.
Thinking about this list, I should probably add no expensive or overly fancy computers to it as well 😉
Good thoughtful post, hon.
Daylan,
It’s always nice when there’s a direct way to pass on useable stuff, and I look for those opportunities too. But ever since I toured the Church’s Humanitarian Aid Center I’ve been less prone to hang on to things for long. It was amazing to see what happens with those donated clothes.
Arcaiden,
So great to hear your plans for not overdoing on the big items.
Which reminds me — this post is kinda buried by now, but I’d love to hear ideas about how parents can teach children to be generous with those in need. What did your parents do? What do you do with your children?
Kathy,
Once again thanks so much for your post. It has triggered a lot of reflective thinking along these lines in the last few days. I also have read _Approaching Zion_ as of late with the passing of Hugh Nibley. His thoughts on wealth were humbling. I agree with Brigham Young. Prosperity is a curse.
I am acquainted with a few families who have a generous income. While they are generous with their money they spoil and pamper their children to the point that they are ruining them. Their teenagers haven’t any idea how to clean up after themselves, do laundry, take care of their things etc… They have cleaning ladies who do these tasks for them. We have wondered aloud as to what kinds of missionaries, roommates, spouses and generally good citizens these children will be if they are essentially helpless.
We are far from perfect parents but raising grateful and charitable children has been a priority. Some of the things we have stressed are being aware of those around you and if someone needs help – help them.
We have exposed our children to a Family Homeless shelter by providing a meal for the residents; staying and eating and visiting with the families who temporarily live there. They help me gather clothes, toys, etc… to donate to Good will. If I take a meal to someone one of them accompanies me. We let them help pick out items at the store that we donate to others on Christmas. We are aware of the needs of those around us who are single parent families.
When we have visited Utah we have taken a tour of the Humanitarian Aid Center. They have a great tour. I think that my older ones have a sense that America is privileged and that a good portion of the world does not live as we do.
We do not shelter our older ones from news events like the Tsunami, but allow them to see it on the news and be aware that as a family we donate to the fund.
Probably most of you do these things and more. After reading _Approaching Zion_, it is apparent that our family needs to do more. I appreciate that Kathy has raised these uncomfortable questions for us to ponder and to act on.
JA –
The chats-with-friends I mentioned in my post were sparked by our reading Nibley’s _Zion_. Funny you should bring it up!
It sounds like you’re doing a lot to teach your children sensitivity and generosity. We were talking about Zion in FHE the other day. I asked my kids why there would be no poor in Zion — one said, “Because everyone will share.” That underscored the importance of all the little things we do in daily life to teach awareness of others’ needs and feelings. It also reminded me of the interrelatedness of being united in heart and mind, and of being free with one’s substance. It’s all wrapped up in the power of at-one-ment, and I’m remembering all over again that I need more of that power in my life.
I appreciate your thoughts.