I browsed JSAA a few weeks ago after hearing my son-in-law’s father had died. K’s witty tumblr feed was a comfort. I clicked through to K’s blog posts and read K’s comments on Families Will Be Together Forever.
As a single Mormon woman who is the only member of her family, K took issue with this song, with a line by line critique. I get where she’s coming from. I mean, some of us do live the dream. But when I was getting beaten by my first husband or my dad, the words “[my family] is so good to me” didn’t accurately describe the situation. I am aware of other actual situations that are stark exceptions to the ideal of the good family, like a friend who was murdered by her husband, or another friend whose mother was a prostitute who abandoned her children.
How might it be possible to modify the song ever so slightly so it conveys the original sense of hope and admonition, but rings true to all members of the Church, particularly those whose lives don’t fit the ideal Mormon model for whatever reason?
My husband and I enjoy poetry, meter, rhyme and scansion, and we sometimes like to develop alternate words for hymns or published music (sometimes required to make a traditional piece of music consistent with LDS doctrine). There is a long tradition of updating LDS hymns when older words are no longer appropriate (remember singing “You who” unto Jesus?). So we thought of some minor word modifications that might better teach the doctrines that are so precious to us.
I have a family here on earth,
Yes. Yes I do. There’s really not much one can criticize about this line.
New: They mean so much to me.
Old: They are so good to me.
Not all families are good here on earth. But no matter what is happening, each of us cares deeply about our family.
New: I want to share God’s love for them through all eternity.
Old: I want to share my life with them through all eternity.
I like this one. The ambiguity of the grammar allows this wording to support two readings. It can be me wanting to share God’s love with them. It can also be my prayer to God to fill my heart with the love He feels for them.
So even when a family member has been horrific, they are still a child of God. And we can be filled with the love God has for them, even as we take the necessary actions to protect ourselves.
Families can be together forever through Heavenly Father’s Plan.
I always want to be with my dear family, and The Lord has shown me how I can.
Old: I always want to be with my own family, and The Lord has shown me how I can.
Here I prefer to leave the original text mostly unchanged with the exception of “my own family.” My dear family doesn’t destroy the reading of one’s own family, but allows it to be expanded beyond the nuclear family.
Today I accompanied my husband in delivering the First Presidency Message for July to a single sister my husband home teaches. This month’s message was from Henry B. Eyring, and spoke of the love and concern we can have across families, speaking of his mother’s love for her brother’s family. I realized another amazing thing about the Book of Mormon that reflects the fullness of the gospel.
In the Bible, we see the rivalry between Jacob and Esau, between David and Saul, and between Abel and Cain. Christ asks us to love our neighbor as ourselves, but I don’t see a theme of extended families yearning to save a lost branch of the family.[ref]My husband notes that Terryl Givens, in his book The Book of Mormon: A Very Short Introduction, makes the point that the brothers in the Old Testament who feud mostly do reconcile (e.g., Jacob and Esau, Joseph and his brothers) and the feuding brothers in the Book of Mormon do not have this reconciliation in this life. But in the Old Testament, the peoples that spring from the formerly feuding brothers become separate. There isn’t a sense that the family that retained the priesthood birthright yearns to save the children of the other brother, e.g., the Israelis aren’t yearning for the salvation of the Palestinians who claim common descent from Abraham.[/ref]
Yet in the Book of Mormon, we constantly see the Nephite prophets yearning for the salvation of the Lamanites, the children of their mutual father, Lehi. We see the stripling warriors risking their lives to save the Nephites. And when all hope was lost for the Nephite people, Mormon and Moroni crafted a record with the express purpose of saving future generations of Lamanites and a non-Jewish people they had come to realize God also treasured.
Who is part of my beloved family? It isn’t just the diminishingly small group of people who live under the same roof as me. Each of us has a group that we look to and consider as “our people.” Whether that group is intimate or as expansive as all time and space, this is our “dear family” or even our “own family.” And that is the family that the song says we can be with.
New: While I am in my earthly years, I’ll prepare most carefully
Old: While I am in my early years, I’ll prepare most carefully
The “early” word is fine for a primary song, but this isn’t just a primary song now that it’s been included in the hymnal.
New: So I can cov’nant in God’s temple for eternity.
Old: So I can marry in God’s temple for eternity.
It is the covenants that we make for eternity that we should be focused on. The fundamental covenants we make in the temple are ones we can make whether or not circumstances allow us to be married. If we are fortunate enough to be married to someone we can wed in the temple, it is crucial even then to realize that the covenant includes God. Even if circumstances might tear the spouse whose hand we clasped at the alter from our eternal side, it is still a covenant with power and purpose, for God holds us in His heart, and He will do all that is right.
[Update] Here’s audio of me singing the modified version a Capella shortly after waking up. I will also note that though the 2014 Primary Sharing Time theme is “Families are Forever,” this song in its original form is not one of the suggested songs. So it appears the current form is understood to be sufficiently hurtful that it isn’t being included in the Church-wide songs being taught to the children on this year, when it ostensibly would be most appropriate.
The words again, without all the explanation:
I have a family here on earth. They mean so much to me.
I want to share my life with them through all eternity.
Chorus: Fam’lies can be together forever through Heavenly Father’s Plan.
I always want to be with my dear family, and The Lord has shown me how I can.
While I am in my earthly years, I’ll prepare most carefully
So I can cov’nant in God’s temple for eternity.
Chorus: Fam’lies can be together forever through Heavenly Father’s Plan.
I always want to be with my dear family, and The Lord has shown me how I can.