I really don’t want to seem like I’m attacking anyone, so please take what I am about to discuss in the most charitable way:
I get rather upset by some baby blessings. I don’t think I should, but I do.
It’s not for the cliché blessing, where the baby is blessed to grow up, stay faithful, go on a mission and marry a worthy partner in the temple (which, oddly enough, I have never done in a blessing. The two blessings I have given were rather sparse – so much so that some people remarked on it).
Blessings rely on the spirit, so I don’t want to second guess someone’s potential inspiration. However, in my time I’ve heard some oddly specific blessings, and those are the ones that bother me.
For example, a few years ago I heard a father give his son a baby blessing that his son would become a professional athlete, make lots of money, and through his celebrity status bring many people to the gospel. That, to me, was an uncomfortable blessing, as the father went on and on and on about just how talented his son was going to be, and how much money he was going to make. The missionary thing seemed tacked on at the end. I actually felt sorry for the kid: his dad is apaprently going to be putting on the pressure to excel.
There have been others, but that one is likely the best example. I’ve heard baby blessings that claim their kids will marry millionaires, convert thousands on their missions, or invent the one thing that will change the world for the better. (Note: these weren’t “we hope you will” but “you will”).
But perhaps I’m just too sensitive, or I don’t comprehend the theology of baby blessings. Which causes me to ask: What is the theology of baby blessings? How binding are they? Are these parents overreaching their stewardship, or just couching possibilities into too-concrete predictions?
Thoughts?
Ran into a case where a father had given his daughter a blessing that she would marry a man with a certain name. She dated and agreed to marry a gentleman — they made it all the way to the sealing room before she backed out based upon her father’s blessing. He had the wrong first name, of course.
I have to say that I have decided that men who give blessings like that should be stopped and told to start over.
Dang, I guess I shouldn’t have blessed my son to solve how to quantize gravity ushering in that new era of power production once his blessing to create cheap renewable fusion was obtained…
Of course I bet he’ll appreciate that blessing for animal magnetism to the opposite sex, but only if they are hot. But now that you mention it, I understand why there was a gasp in the audience…
(Just kidding)
I think caution is always in order. I know that Patriarchs are cautioned not to say anything wild. I’ve heard good reports that their blessings are checked over up in SLC to see if there are problems in these regards. The problem with such blessings is that they almost always aren’t by the spirit. Of course with the Patriarchal Blessings I always wonder about whether this limits legitimate but spectacular blessings. On the other hand if it prevents blessings like those promising people to go to other planets on missions. (LOL)
I think blessing like the ones mentioned are good exercises for the men to try and receive revelation. Usually the revelation portion of any blessing is not perfect because we are not perfect. Often when giving a blessing I will hear or receive impressions that for whatever reason are not complete and I try to state them as well as my limited understanding will allow.
Ugh, you’ve touched on one of my raw nerves.
Look, baby blessings are to perform just the following (I’m stealing this from an old manual):
1. Take the child in your arms
2. Address HEAVENLY FATHER (not the kid) in prayer.
3. Under the authority of the priesthood, give it a name. You do not have to say “on the records of the Church” or “here on earth”.
4. Provide such words of blessing as inspired.
5. Close in the name of Jesus Christ.
It’s not a time for showing off or bestowing your deepest fantasies on the child. Yes, it’d be great if you’d say a few things, but it’s NOT a patriarchal blessing.
I just blessed our 3rd child a couple of months ago. There were two other blessings, each of which lasted for about 5-6 minutes each. One of them missed the authority and Jesus Christ. The “blessing” part lasted about 45 seconds and I felt that I was trying to stretch it at the end.
It’s true that you address Heavenly Father until you get to the blessing part. Once you reach that part, it is appropriate to address the child as you would address the person in any other blessing. This is one part that about 1/2 of all people giving baby blessings get wrong.
My husband asked for the blessings we wanted for our children after naming them. I don’t think he pronounced a single thing. It seemed right to me. I’ve never heard anything outrageous in person, but I definitely think people mix in wishful thinking on a regular basis.
Yes I know that it’s stated in the scriptures that babies are to be presented before the Elders, but my personal preference would be for these blessings to be performed at home or otherwise NOT during the meeting.
Just think, invite the entire extended family over to the house, invite the presiding authority, bless the kid and have a party.
Now it’s usually invite the entire extended family to sacarment meeting, usually wait patiently for the next 45 minutes, go home and have a party.
“Just think, invite the entire extended family over to the house, invite the presiding authority, bless the kid and have a party.”
Oh yeah, that’s always the first thing that I want to do when I have a new baby at home. 🙁
As I listened to blessings given to babies a few decades ago, it seemed to me that it was almost a universal custom to continue addressing Heavenly Father throughout the blessing. Now, it seems to be the other way, more often than not. Although such instructions may exist, I have never seen or heard instructions, except from local members expressing their personal opinion, that the form for blessing babies was supposed to have changed in this way. Instead of concluding that about 1/2 of all people get it wrong by not addressing the child, it seems more natural to me to conclude that more than 1/2 of all people have rebelliously decided to get it wrong by addressing the child during the blessing. On the other hand, I don’t have any memories to recall from the years before I was born, and I wouldn’t be surprised if earlier customs differed in unexpected ways from the customs that seemed normal to me as I observed what went on during my childhood.
We did bless my first son here at home. But I caught a lot of flack for it. It’s not hard to do though. Just ask the Bishop.
As for who you address, I think it’s more akin to a patriarchal blessing and thus its more appropriate to address the child. I’d have to check my PH manual though. I can’t recall what I did with Conner. (I didn’t record the blessing)
#5 – You’re absolutely right. I omitted that crucial detail in my post, but I did not omit it when I did the blessing.
#6 – I think I used the phrase, “we ask the Lord to bless you with”.
I tend to be a minimalist when it comes to blessings.
Julie, you’ve been funny three times now!
I’ve never heard any weird blessings like that, mostly just scared men blessing their babies. Because fathers are usually young. Unless it’s the grandpa or something like that.
I don’t even remember what my husband said when he blessed our daughter.
I don’t pay attention, actually.
we ask the Lord to bless you with
I know they read a letter about not doing this anymore, but hey… I’ve got bloggernacle anonymity on my side so…
I specifically heard Bruce C. Hafen say in a priesthood leadership meeting that when giving a blessing you’re not suppose to ask Heavenly Father to give blessings: it’s not a prayer. You’re supposed to just pronounce the blessings.
I’m totally good with being short about blessings.
I just did my first one yesterday. It was short. But — I got this one from President Faust — I blessed our son with a sense of humor. I liked it. One day, he’ll like it, too. If he lives worthy of receiving it 😉
Excellent.
To back up what A. Nonny said, and expound upon it, you don’t usually ‘ask’ when you’re exercising the priesthood, since you’re supposed to be the one actually -doing- something-. Anyone can ask for blessings. Absolutely anyone. Only a priesthood holder, however, can confer them directly. And it seems to make sense to me that that’s what’s going on in any priesthood blessing, including baby blessings.
We blessed all four of our babies at home. We only caught flack on one of them. For us it was the best thing. All of our extended family lives on the other side of the USA. We would bless the baby while it was still very new with the grandparents around who came to help. We would serve dessert after with the Bishop. This way we could keep the baby home a few weeks until he/she was older. Also blessing at home is comfortable for my husband who has a tendency to get emotional.
My husband was inactive when our kids were babies, and I struggled as a new convert to be active myself. I didn’t even really know about baby blessings. Then someone realized we’d never had the kids blessed (me? my in-laws? our bishop? I don’t remember) and my father-in-law did it in our Bishop’s office, all three kids at once. The oldest was about 4 or 5.
It was a fantastic experience for me–I gained a testimony of PH blessings being inspired. I knew exactly what he was going to say next. Well, not the exact words, but what he was going to touch on. For instance, I thought, “Now he’ll say something about Nathaniel being smart,” and he said, “Use your keen mind to bless those around you,” etc.
I’ve never heard an outrageous baby blessing before. We just had two in our ward last Sunday and they were both wonderful.
You’ve put your finger on the spot, Ivan.
Mormon theology is liberating because anyone is entitled to inspiration. Yet our desires may become chains when we confuse wishful thinking for the will of God.
That’s especially problematic if we impose nonsense on those who depend on us, be it as a parent or a priesthood leader.
Just to add my two cents to this subject … when we blessed our 2nd child a few years ago, I wondered what the proper process was when giving the child a blessing. The blessing begins with addressing Heavenly Father, but then we’re supposed to switch to addressing the baby … it didn’t make sense to me. I asked my dad, the elder’s quorum and a few friends and it was about 50/50 … some saying the it should be “we ask thee to bless this baby …” while others said that I should address the baby.
It wasn’t until I read Luke 1:67-79 that I felt a confirmation (if you will). Zacharias, as you may know, could not speak but he was supposed to give his son a name. In that “blessing” he spoke directly to John. When I read that, I knew what I should do.
Ever since then, I’ve always listened carefully to other baby blessings. Regardless of how the blessing is said, I think that Heavenly Father looks upon the heart in these cases.
So is there a rule on this? I’ll be blessing my son in a month or so. When I think back to my daughter’s blessing, all I can remember was how horrified I felt to be blessing my daughter in front of this crowd of people. It seems like such an intimate experience to me. I’m thinking about asking our Bishop to let me do it at home, or even before Sacrament meeting in the RS room with just my family there.
What about “I bless you with all other blessings the Lord sees fit to bestow upon you.” it used to bother me a lot, but after blessing our third I really believe God is with us at our various levels of understanding and faith.
I used to have a hard time with blessing children in the home. A father’s blessings can happen at any time, but there is a split between the institutional ordinances and the private exercise of the priesthood. It seems that some acts are performed as part of communal worship or devotion and for me baby blessings are one of those communal acts. I am naturally a hermit and have a very private spiritual life; so I am trying to learn about communion and why we worship in groups and still believe that baby blessings are to be “before the church” (20:70). But part of my evolving understanding is that communal worship is tradition dependent and that it necessarily evolves. So I am more comfortable with our recent bishop’s encouragement of in-home baby blessings.
I am not so comfortable with the assertion that baby blessings are not “Patriarchal Blessings.” While much of the power of a patriarchal blessing is that the beneficiary re-reads and studies it, I believe there is real power in the act itself. My wife, for example has little faith in her blessing or the Patriarch who gave it, but I believe the act itself has efficacy. (I think of Elijah’s bravado, God knew that the drama of the fire from heaven would produce no lasting faith in the Israelites, but his prophet called for it and God honored his priesthood–and then took him to the mountains to learn about REAL power.) Likewise, the kid isn’t taking notes when s/he is blessed, but as a community of family and as a church, we sense the character and mission of some children through an inspired blessing and can/should(?) then be able to better support them. My understanding is that a stake patriarch has special keys to receive special revelation for the stake members, but I likewise believe that fathers also stand in the role of patriarch of their families and receive revelation for their family. Thus the patriarchal blessing is exactly the model I think that fathers should have as they prepare to bless their infants. With that in mind I have never gotten so far as a mission or marriage in blessing my children because I feel like I am pronouncing their Father in Heaven’s blessing for time leading up till their Patriarchal Blessing.
jjohnsen,
A little historical background on the practice of blessing babies at church. Children whose fathers did not have the Melchizedek priesthood were brought to the church once a month for the Bishop to bless them. I can’t remember who, so don’t make me look it up (I think it was Joseph F. Smith), got after the fathers who relied on the Bishop to bless their children. He wanted babies to be blessed at home like the children of the fathers with the Melchizedek Priesthood.
Anyway that’s what I should have told that Bishop when he complained about our way of doing things. I don’t think there is a rule. The Bishop who grumbled, read to me from the handbook that said that unwed mothers should bless the baby from home. As far as I can remember ( this was fourteen years ago) there is not a rule one way or the other. The other three Bishops, when we blessed a baby, came and enjoyed being in our home.
We feel the same way about blessings. We want it to be a private family affair and we prefer to do it at home.
JA Benson, you might be interested in this brief history of Baby blessings. Church policy has changed repeatedly and substantively on the matter.
One of my pet peeves in the blessings in which I’ve been invited to participate: Fathers who have the group form a circle, place the baby in the center, and then bounce the baby up and down like s/he’s on a trampoline. It’s no wonder the kid starts screaming like a maniac.
When I blessed my three children, in each case I held the child in my arms and had the men in the circle reach in to touch him/her. Baby is safe in daddy’s arms = baby doesn’t cry.
I have personally never heard any outlandish blessings. I have heard far too many that drone on and on though.
Thanks J. Stapley,
Very interesting. IMHO I don’t think it matters where a baby is blessed only that he/she is blessed and is placed on the records of the Church. Parents should feel free to bless their child in a comfortable atmosphere.
I have never personally heard an outlandish blessing, but when my parents were newly married, a brother in their ward blessed his son to be a prophet. Many years later (late 1970’s) a horrible event happened where a mother threw her children off a hotel in SLC. My mother said that the father of those children was the one who blessed his son to be a prophet.
Our stake leadership made a point of asking us to maintain the form of a prayer during the blessing (continue addressing Heavenly Father).
I think I blessed the first two addressing the baby, the last one as a prayer. I don’t remember a darn thing said in any of the three. I’m quite sure that no one else does either.
Off topic a bit, but I find baby blessings to be an excellent missionary opportunity. We always invite our friends, work colleagues, and neighbors to our baby blessings, and then we usually host an open house afterwards- not for the members of the Church, but for our family who have travelled to be there and for our friends (mostly not in the church, some who are in the church).
The mingling makes for good, unforced church talk, the blessing is an opportunity to share at least two priesthood ordinances (blessing + sacrament) with someone who has never been to an LDS church before, and the invitation just tends to build bonds with our friends who appreciate being invited to the event to begin with.
And that alone is good motivation to keep the blessing simple and short.
The only thing I remember about blessing my daughter (just over 2 years ago) was that I blessed her twice that she would be healthy and active. Now that she’s a two-year-old, I am beginning to regret that. The way I look at a baby blessing is much the same way as quandmeme (#21). As the father, it is my right to receive revelation pertaining to my children and to pronounce blessings on their heads. If I am worthy and prepared, the Spirit can communicate that revelation to me. Although it is usually not recorded, a baby blessing can be very much the same as a Patriarchal Blessing, and I like the comparisons that have been made. Our Stake Patriarch is a long-time family friend (I live in the same ward where I grew up) and I know will fast and visit the temple, sometimes multiple times, in preparation for each Patriarchal Blessing he gives. Perhaps if fathers were to similarly prepare for bably blessings, the quality would improve. We would see more inpiration in the blessings and less of the superficial desires.
There is no other blessing in existence that is given by addressing Heavenly Father. It’s ridiculous to suggest that you don’t address it to the child! The only reason you start with Heavenly Father is the child does not “have” a name yet to call! Once he does–give the KID the darn blessing, don’t just pray!
I once heard a father bless his son that his great musical talent would lead him to become a classical guitarist and as I heard his words, they sounded very sincere and true somehow. My only complaint about the baby blessings in my ward is the “recognition of the mother in all this”.. “as is tradition in our ward, we’d like Sis. So and so to stand and be recognized for her(uncomfortable chuckle) big part (apologetic?chuckle) in this. (relieved chuckle).
I don’t remember precisely the blessings I gave my daughter. I do remember that I had simultaneously dispatched Rocco, Clemenza, Willie Cicci, and Al Neri to settle family scores with Barzini, Moe Greene, Strachi, Cuneo, and the Tattaglia brothers.
What about Carlo?
I’m impressed that you remember all those names, gst. The only problem is that the blessing misses the point/counterpoint of the priest catechizing the Godfather and the thug blasting someone into the eternities.
Carlo didn’t get it until after the christening.
On the other hand, how about having the mother hold the infant, and the elders (not too many) placing their hands on the baby’s head when giving the blessing. In all other blessings in the church hands are laid on the head of the person receiving it. So, why not with babies?
(gst- One the very best scenes in any movie. Ever. I’m also impressed with the name recall!)
My husband was not a member when sons #1 and #2 were born, and we had them quietly blessed by another member in the bishop’s office before church. I liked this. Now with #3 due to appear any day, I have been dreading the blessing… For some reason, it just never feels right to me when a gaggle of people get up and crowd around this tiny little baby. And maybe I’m just insensitive, but having the blessing before the rest of the meeting just feels rushed and usually uninspired.
I’m hoping we can do this next one quietly and privately. My husband will be able to give this one.
What about the size of the gaggle? I think it’s ill-advised to invite all of your priesthood-holding friends and relatives, as well as the bishopric, who you may not even like, to crowd around your baby. I have four brothers, two brothers-in-law, a father and a father-in-law who all hold the priesthood. If they were all present for a blessing, I think I would only invite one brother and brother-in-law to participate.
I generally find baby blessings very inspiring… since I don’t have a husband OR children, they mostly make me think of the kind of husband I’d like to have. The things that these fathers want for their children are the things I want my future husband to want for his children (if that makes any sense at all.) But I don’t think it’s wrong to want to bless your children in your own home; maybe that’s because we get about three blessings a month in our ward (the stake president told us we have over 150 children under the age of 2 in our ward; the number is made up by move-ins.) Even if the overwhelming majority of the blessings were held at people’s homes we’d still have a dozen or more per year from the holdouts.
I also think that baby blessings are a great missionary event. A lot better than some testimony meetings, at the very least. One of those times when nearly everyone manages to stay focused on what’s really important, I guess you could say.
Re: the Godfather baptismal scene
Being an organist the part I liked best was the music; the Passacaglia and Fugue in C Minor by Johann Sebastian Bach. I would love to play that during a baptism or confirmation. Too bad we don’t allow music during ordinances anymore!
I find the trend of writing blessings out ahead of time and memorizing them to repeat at church disturbing.
For me, the hard part about baby blessings is figuring out who to invite into the circle. We don’t live close to any family other than a second cousin. Most the Elders in our ward don’t have family around either.
You need a few people in there to make a circle, so it comes down to picking people who don’t have a built in reason to be there (bishopric, home teachers, family, etc…) I admit I’ve felt left out before when others went up to assist and I wasn’t invited, so I wonder if I am going to make other’s feel that way. Of course, if I think about it, I usually pick the 4 or 5 people who I can find at the last minute, so maybe I shouldn’t read into it too much.
My brother-in-law gave his daughter a name and a blessing in church today. We live in the same stake and routinely visit with each other all year long. He was invited to participate in the circle when my daughter’s blessing was given. I’m not sure how the other people knew to participate – other than they were his father and his in-laws (very religious). I was never contacted, e-mailed, or in any way invited to participate, so I decided to sit in the foyer and write down what he said during the blessing. Afterwards, my wife mentioned that they quickly asked about me before going up to give the blessing, but I was already in the foyer. Too late. Personally, I feel like it’s important to not presume that you will go up and participate. I feel like a person needs to be invited. So, I felt a bit left out. Partially by my own choosing, but I that good manners suggest one be invited. Comments?
Our ward has rather exploded with little ones lately – so much so that the Relief Society now meets in the cultural hall to make room for all the prams and we’ve signed over the office usually used by visiting officebearers (Patriarch, Stake, etc) to a second Nursing Mother’s room – so we’ve had a few blessings.
In all cases, including the Bishop’s granddaughter, the parents have limited the number of brethern in the ring to 4 or 5. Usually it’s the father, the presiding priesthood holder and the first or second counsellor in the Bishopric or the EQP. This seems to stop the feeling let out-ness because there is a ward tradition that this is a communal Priesthood, rather than family, ordinance that introduces the child to the ward and, for lack of a better word, notifies the Lord we are all willing to support the child and it’s parents. The blessing contained within becomes secondary and is usually very short.
The family then has an event at home where depending on their preference a Father’s Blessing is given in private.
The CHI has it very simple.
The Melchizedek Priesthood holders stand in a circle and place their hands under the baby. With an older child, on the head.
The one giving the prayer addresses Heavenly Father, states by what authority, gives the child a name, gives a priesthood blessing as the Spirit directs, and closes in the name of Jesus Christ.
Jeff, what does “CHI” stand for. My brother is traveling with his child back to our home ward for his baby’s blessing in order to include his many non-member friends. It’s a missionary opportunity and a first example to this special child that we should all be about our fathers business even though he is only a few days old. I think “CHI” is probably Church Handbook of Instructions but I don’t know.
RE to #5 Comment from: Civi [Visitor]
“It’s true that you address Heavenly Father until you get to the blessing part. Once you reach that part, it is appropriate to address the child as you would address the person in any other blessing. This is one part that about 1/2 of all people giving baby blessings get wrong.”
Actually from what I understand, the correct way for a baby blessing is that the the entire blessing is adressed to Heavenly Father. While many who don’t know better switch right in the middle to addressing the baby, the proper way is for the entire blessing to be adressed to Heavenly Father. I.E. We ask thee to bless this child with…. Not We bless you to….
A baby blessing is not a patriarchal blessing, but it is a blessing. ALL blessings are direct. Dallin Oaks was very clear in his address to Patriarchs and Stake Presidencies; a blessing is not given in the form of a prayer, regardless of what type of blessing it is.
I know this is an old string, but I still want to comment. #4 brings up some really great points. Addressing Heavenly Father is not a preference—it is the way it must be done. Clichés such as “on the records of the Church” and “here on earth” don’t have to be said (although they can be, too). Ut this really gets to the heart of my comment. VAIN REPETITION. Certainly, it is very bad judgment to say in the baby blessing that the child is going to become a professional athlete or make a million dollars before she is 25 years of age. These are really extreme examples. But what disturbs be about this sting of comments is the OTHER extreme. The theme here seems to be that a good blessing is one that is quick, fast and non-specific. How many times do we hear, “grow up faithful in the Church” and “go to the House of the Lord to be married to a worthy spouse.” Not that I don’t want those things for my kids, but the point is these have become vain repetitions. I think people who posted in this string have go too far to the other extreme. Perhaps they all underestimate the blessing. There is nothing wrong to say something unique if you honestly feel it. I agree that even if I really felt (or hoped) that my child would cure cancer someday, I would not say it. But what is wrong with blessing the child with a love of reading? What’s wrong with blessing her that she will develop a strong sense of determination that will help carry her through life? I’m not talking about a bunch of qualities you’d see on a high school resume; I’m talking about a specific “thing” or two that you feel or hope for(the line between feeling and hoping is often very thin)? By the looks of this string of posts, it seems people are almost bragging about how fast and uneventful the blessing was! As if that is the measure of a good baby blessing. Be thoughtful, not outlandish. You are not competing with others in the ward for the best blessing, but at the same time, that is no reason to just say “grow faithful and marry in the temple” and be done! How seriously are we taking these blessings? Why do we do them? @queuno [Visitor]
@Casual Observer [Visitor]
I do have a problem with writing down and memorizing a blessing, but I must say that I have prayerfully considered what to say in each of my child’s blessings and often have a set of points that I think are pertinent and let the Spirit guide as needs be during the blessings itself.
I know this thread is ancient by now, but I have to correct something for anyone reading this later. The two sides of the “addressing” issue are presenting a false dichotomy.
Those advocating addressing Heavenly Father are correctly noting that the official instructions state that they should address Heavenly Father and never give any subsequent direction to change who they are addressing. They conclude that they should say “We ask thee to bless him/her that…”.
Those advocating addressing the child are correctly noting that numerous general authorities have instructed us (in General Conference, no less!) to give blessings directly instead of asking Heavenly Father to grant blessings. They correctly note that asking Heavenly Father to bless someone is not really a blessing, but a prayer.
The real answer is that both are wrong. Per the instructions in the Family Guidebook, the entire ordinance is done addressing Heavenly Father. Per instruction from the Brethren, the words of blessing should be pronounced directly rather than as a petition, in this manner:
“We bless him/her, that…”
This is the manner in which I blessed all three of our boys, having been so instructed by my Bishop and Stake President. It is the only manner that is in keeping with all of the instructions we have been given. It’s not a big deal, and certainly not worth correcting, but there can be no question about the correct manner if you look to the manual and to the brethren instead of simply going by what you heard or what you have seen others do or what seems to make sense to you.