Comments on: The Dreaded Attitude Problem

By: Ben Pratt

Ben Pratt — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:25:56 +0000

Excellent.

By: Naismith

Naismith — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:19:25 +0000

Is it really fair to call it “parenting” when it is with a foster child who will likely not remain in the home? Most of the foster parents I know call it “fostering.” And I certainly never thought of it as “parenting” when we had an exchange student.

I think the dynamics are significantly different in such situations.

Very sound advice overall, but let’s be clear about what is happening.

By: Martin

Martin — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 18:53:06 +0000

Nicholeen,

I loved that story about you as a teen with “attitude”. I’m glad your friend’s mom helped you out with her advice, but my question is what should your parents have been doing that they weren’t doing, if anything? Could they have headed the problem off?

By: Nicholeen Peck

Nicholeen Peck — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:24:07 +0000

GREAT comment!

By: Ginger

Ginger — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:17:09 +0000

I wholeheartedly agree with your comment about hugging. I have one son who has tantrums/attitude problems quite often. The times I remember to hug him are the times we come to an agreement on what needs to happen and restore peace in our home more quickly. The trick is getting the hug in soon enough. Most children just want to know that their parents understand what they are going through, and are sympathetic, even if the child won’t be getting his/her way.

By: Nicholeen Peck

Nicholeen Peck — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:40:30 +0000

Kristine,
That is a great observation of my parenting style. I base my parenting on principles instead of tricks. I think the whole idea of tricks suggests manipulation. Parents shouldn’t be focusing on manipulating. Good communication works much better.

Regarding your question. There are definately different kinds of temperaments. But, I have used this system with all kinds of temperaments and had success. Maybe you could go to my site and learn more and give what I do a try. My other thought is this. Ultimately relationships are everything in the family. If my children ever seem to be detatching themselves from the family, I address that immediately. Not with a lecture though. Lectures are not good or effective. I have a method of bringing family members on track. We also have regular family meetings where we discuss the feeling in the home and if it is where we need it to be for the vision of our family.

The best way to make parenting individual is to make each relationship individual. Sometimes parents lump all their relationships with their children into one basket. This reduces the abiltiy to connect properly and discuss behaviors and feelings. Our family has scheduled weekly mentor sessions, and parent chat times where we discuss life, behaviors, school, and family individually with each child. My children are so used to these times that they will talk about everything. If you have a child that doesn’t like talk times like this, it is even more important that you have them. My new book “Parenting A House Untited” will have lots more information on these subjects.

As you can see, I could write about parenting issues forever. I hope I understood and answered your question with this short answer. There really is so much more detail I could share.

By: Kristine

Kristine — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 15:44:53 +0000

NIcholeen, I like the way your parenting technique is systematized–it’s thorough and comprehensive, rather than situation-specific or a series of “tips.”

One thing I’d be really interested in hearing is how you think children’s temperaments work in this system. I have two children for whom I think many of these techniques (and really any consistent parenting style) would work well, and one whose issues I think it wouldn’t even touch. How/why does similar parenting produce such vastly different individuals?

By: Nicholeen Peck

Nicholeen Peck — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 15:00:07 +0000

I have parented lots of teens and pre-teens over the years. In fact most of the foster daughters we had fell into this category. I really love the pre-teen though, becuase they are changeable. They are wanting change and maturity at their age and it is the perfect time for mom and dad to have a strong influence if the relationship is healthy. Yes, I love parenting pre-teens, even though it does take a bit more talking than the other ages.

Sounds like you are doing a good job at home Geoff.

By: Geoff B.

Geoff B. — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 11:51:02 +0000

I have one pre-teen and one young teen girl. ‘Nuff said. I have found that they ONLY thing that works with them is being calm and helping them see that their endless drama will get them nowhere except losing privileges.

By: E

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 05:48:34 +0000

Thanks, this is helpful.