Yes or No? ~Parent Choices

 

Is it easier to tell children yes or no when they ask a question?

The answer to this question could depend on what kind of person you are.

Are the kind of parent who really likes to be in control of the goings on in the family and don’t like to be bothered with plans changing, outfits changing, or extra work for a new idea? If you are this kind of person you probably find it is easier to tell the children no when they ask to go play at a friends, finger paint, make cookies, or go swimming.

The Opposite

If you are the kind of parent who feels like it is easier to get the children out from ‘under foot’ by just letting them do what they want in order to offer you more alone time, then you might find it easier to say yes when the children ask you questions like the ones above. You may also feel like it is easier to let them do what they want so that you are not bothered with lots of whining or parenting problems.

What Do The Children Do? Continue reading

Motivating Kids: Rachel’s Bean Magic

 

A few years ago a stateswoman, Rachel DeMille, shared a fun motivational program she used in her home, called “bean counter”, in a lecture I heard. I don’t where the idea of a “bean counter” originated from, but I do know that it is effective. Thanks DeMille family!

 

Our “Refusing to Help Each Other” Problem

Recently we have found another great use for the “bean counter” motivational system in our home. A couple of weeks ago I noticed a behavior which was working against our family mission and vision. And, the behavior was not isolated to one person. The problem behavior was spreading, like a disease, through the whole family. The feelings of frustration and contention were definitely on the rise in our home. The culprit was selfishness and the problem looked like this.

Youngest son says, “Dad, will you get me a drink of water?”

Dad says, “Porter, you know how to get your own drink. You can get it yourself.” Following this response, the son becomes frustrated and chooses to whine. The whinny behavior earns negative consequences and the son doesn’t get a drink because he is now busy learning how to accept a no answer.

Why did Dad give Porter the response he gave? Continue reading

Mother’s Day Miracle ~My Story

When I was about thirteen years old I was perfectly molded in the opinions of the current society.  I had my life all planned out, and was sure that my plans were socially pleasing to all of my friends.  I was also sure that my plans would ensure that I wouldn’t turn out like my mother, who at the time was a person I didn’t really care about pleasing that much.  You got it, I was a run of the mill, know it all and going to do it better than my parents, teenager.  The only problem was, I didn’t really know what better meant because I was only seeing the popular social perspective.

This was the plan.  I was going to go to college and get a degree in psychology, go on a mission for my church, get married to a really cute guy, and be a career woman.  The picture alloted for a couple of children too, but those weren’t the important thing, the career was.  I was pretty sure I knew that being a mom meant being a victim.  Moms were weak.  They didn’t do anything worth while.  No one seemed to care much about mothers.  They didn’t get Continue reading

Help For Parents ~ Selective Hearing

“What about when they say, “I didn’t hear you” as their reason/excuse for not following instructions…but you think they must have?” 

This is a classic!  It is either one of two things.  Either your child really didn’t hear you, or she just lied to try to make the reason she didn’t follow instructions look like your fault instead of hers. 

         If you are constantly hearing this excuse for instructions not being followed, then you should first ask yourself, Continue reading

Advice For Parents: Choosing Your Words Carefully

      A lot of children have selective hearing; have you noticed?  Some of this selective hearing is planned and some isn’t.  They really don’t hear us correctly sometimes.  We can do something to make sure this doesn’t happen as often. 

      Have you ever said don’t run down the hall, and the first thing your child does is run down the hall?  My mom used to say to me, “Don’t talk back to me.”  The first thing I did after this instruction was talk back to her.  Strange. 

      It is never a good idea to start an instruction with the word don’t, because whatever you say after don’t might be the part of the instruction that they think they have to follow.  Here is a classic example. Continue reading