Official Bendanian History

Note: Of the numerous micronations extant toward the end of the 20th century, few reached the same depths of obscurity and irrelevance achieved by Bendania, which consisted of the bedroom shared by two young brothers. I offer this historical document (with very little emendation, minor formatting changes appropriate for the new medium in which it is presented, some redaction and substitution of only limited consequence in order to protect the innocent, and rare clarifying comments) with the hope that it may shed additional light on some humorous attitudes prevalent among certain populations in the era under question.  -Editor


Official Bendanian History

prepared by E. B. W. Pratt, National Historian

July 4, 1776

  • The United States of America founded by some good guys.

April 6, 1830

  • Churchia founded by The King, through His Servant Joseph.

December 28, 1977

  • “Dad” and “Mom,” both dual citizens of the USA and Churchia, found The Pratt Family (hereafter TPF).

[redacted], 1980

  • Benjamin Wilcken Pratt born in the USA, near Churchian University. Raised in Churchia.

[redacted], 1984

  • Daniel [redacted] Pratt born in the USA. Raised in Churchia.

September 1984

  • TPF relocates to an American/Churchian colony in Panam√°.

July 21, 1987

  • TPF returns to mainland USA, settling in Arizona, within a concentrated Churchian settlement.

June 1988

  • TPF arrives at Mission Drive, where Bendania shall be born.

1988

  • EFY-Mobile, future Bendanian car transit system, created at a Japanese colony in the USA.

1990

  • EFY-Mobile acquired by TPF.

December 1993

  • PKN [Pratt Kids Network -Ed.] (later BBN-Bendanian Broadcasting Network) founded by 2nd-generation TPF-ians.

April 1, 1996

  • Benjamin Wilcken Pratt (hereafter Ben) and Daniel [redacted] Pratt (hereafter Daniel), tired of American bureaucracy and just plain bored, found the dictatorship of BENDANIA, with Ben as Supreme Dictator-for-Life, and Daniel as Vice-Supreme Dictator-for-Life.

November 6, 1996

  • Supreme Dictator-for-Life Ben, while reading the encyclopedia, notices that England’s Prince Charles has more names than Ben does. In a risky coup, he overthrows himself and is crowned His Royal Highness King Ben I of Bendania, with numerous additional titles. Daniel is named Crown Prince Daniel. The national territories of Queen Bed and Twin Bed are organized into the states of Benia and Dania, respectively. Benia is the capital and home of the king. Ports of entry established, with Batman as a guard at the smallest port, Ceilinghole. The Wall named national monument.

March 29, 1997

  • King Ben I romances [Jill], and “[Jill]‘s House” becomes a Bendanian territory soon after.

July 11-23, 1997

  • King Ben I and Crown Prince Daniel embark on a tour studying Churchian history, along with many other TPF-ians and in fact some members of The Frederick G. Williams Family (TFGWF).

July 25-28, 1997

  • King Ben I re-enacts Churchian History events in Luna, NM [this appears to have involved human-powered pull-carts of some sort -Ed.].

November 6, 1997

  • Bendania marks one year as a monarchy; King Ben I is smooched in a surprise revolt at “[Jill]‘s House.”

December 6, 1997

  • EFY-Mobile retired; Prattmobile commissioned as new Bendanian Royal Transit System.

December 28, 1997

  • The Pratt Family marks 20 years.

January 30, 1998

  • King Ben I smooched for the last time.

February 22, 1998

  • [Jill] leads the “[Jill]‘s House” Rebellion and secedes from Bendania.

August 24, 1998

  • King Ben I leaves to study at Churchian University, in the USA. Crown Prince Daniel left as ruler. This was a dark period in Bendanian history. With their beloved king away, some Bendanians began to cause problems, which escalated into full hatred, and the short Bendanian Civil War began. Crown Prince Daniel led his forces from Dania and invaded Benia, therefore taking the capital as his own and renaming it New Dania. The old Dania was destroyed. He also threatened to destroy The Wall to use for his own purposes, but did not succeed. King Ben I continues to study and learn, and adapts to his new environment well.

December 9, 1998

  • King Ben I contacted by servants of The King, and asked to go to Brazil and make conquests in the name of Churchia.

December 19, 1998

  • King Ben I returns to Bendania and begins to take action. Finding his capital state and city overrun, he camps a ways outside of Bendanian land, gathering strength. But the attempt to reconquer New Dania is unsuccessful.

December 22, 1998

  • The Benjamin-Daniel Peace Treaty is signed, restoring peace to Bendania. The ruins of Dania are rebuilt into the glorious capital and home of the king, New Benia.

January 1999

  • King Ben I visits Churchian Univesity, California, and the Happiest Nation on Earth, Disneyland.

March 1999

  • Preparations are made for King Ben I to leave for Brazil. A national vote is taken, and at the citizens’ request, The Wall is dismantled. New Benia is also abandoned and dismantled. Power is passed to King Daniel I to rule during the absence of King Ben I, who becomes a normal citizen, Ben Pratt.

March 21, 1999

  • Ben Pratt is ordained Elder Pratt and set apart as a full-time missionary of Churchia (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints). The following day TPF departs for Utah, capital of Churchia.

March 24, 1999

  • Elder Pratt enters the MTC (Military Training Camp) of Churchia, where he will learn how to spread Churchia. TPF returns to Bendania and its nearby areas. King Daniel I begins to reign. He starts the construction of The New Wall, upon the ruins of the first.

April 27-28, 1999

  • Elder Pratt travels to the 2nd MTC in Saint Paul, Brazil.

May 25, 1999

  • Elder Pratt travels to Joyful Port, Brazil, then contiues to Waterfall of The South.

September 1999

  • King Daniel I romances Crystal of Arensia, and promptly gets smooched.

November 9, 1999

  • Elder Pratt travels to Joyful Port and begins work there.

December 25, 1999

  • Elder Pratt makes contact with TPF. It is good.

January 1, 2000

  • The world ends, but it starts again before anybody notices.

[redacted], 2000

  • Elder Pratt marks 20 years of life on Earth.

[redacted; same date as above], 2000

  • John [redacted] Pratt, the less-famous identical twin of Elder Pratt, marks 13 years of life on Earth. During 5 hours “Mom” and “Dad” are the parents of four teenagers. They recover after it passes.

[redacted; a couple of weeks later], 2000

  • King Daniel I marks 16 years of life on Earth. “Let the smooches begin,” he is quoted as saying. The OFFICIAL BENDANIAN HISTORY is compiled by E. B. W. Pratt, national historian and travel companion of Elder Pratt

Bendania has a rich history and a unique culture. Its people are friendly and tall, and it has successfully passed through many great difficulties. Whether or not it can withstand future trials remains to be seen. But all Bendanians are hopeful, and the future will be bright.

-E. B. W. Pratt

PS. Elder Pratt always tells me of the great love he has for his family. He will write to TPF next week as usual. Also, he doesn’t know about you, but to him “Raul Fulano de Tal” sounds suspiciously like Portuguese “Raul Falando de Tal” [NB in truth the Portuguese orthography matches exactly the Spanish one given previously -Ed.] which basically means “Raul so-and-so.” See [redacted]‘s homecoming talk. Perhaps he inserted the Spanish equivalent of “falando de tal” because he forgot the real last name. Brazilians substitute it like that all the time.

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About Ben Pratt

I am married to a brilliant and lovely woman. Remarkably, our union has produced three brilliant and lovely daughters! We enjoy reading, going for walks and bike rides, and Friday night pizza picnics in the family room. Descended from Parley P. Pratt (founding editor of this blog's namesake), Charles Henry Wilcken, Zachariah Bruyn Decker, Jesse N. Smith, Frederick G. Williams, and a host of farmers, missionaries, colonizers, businessmen, and pilots, I was raised in Chandler, AZ. I have degrees in physics from both Brigham Young University (BS) and the University of Washington (MS). I earn my filthy lucre teaching physics, mathematics, and fine arts at a public charter school in Mesa, AZ.

8 thoughts on “Official Bendanian History

  1. Bendania currently occupied by High Empress Andrea I, acting as supreme plenipotentiary for the adjacent nation of Andia, during the hours of six-thirty am and three-thirty pm during her royal telecommute for Lord Apollo.

    “Mom” and “Dad” and “John” have also encroached upon this territory; the countryside runs rampant with food storage, 72-hour kits, Christmas decorations and guitar cases.

    Batman still stands guard. He is joined by the legendary suit of armor from Grandparentia, Captain Moroni. At least, when “Dad” doesn’t steal him for Ephesians-6-object-lessons in Sunday School….

  2. Ben, I mean this in the most endearing way possible. I thought my kids were a little quirky/goofy/geeky. You sir, take the biggest prize of them all. Thanks for sharing your noble “history”. :)

  3. “High Empress” Andrea (may your children be born screaming and naked, you occupying tool of the domineering-yet-avuncular Apollo), I am very pleased to hear that Batman continues at his post, but my pleasure is tempered by the knowledge that a full half of my former kingdom is landfill.

    Joanna, thanks! Imagine my family’s feelings when this was the letter they received one week from their missionary. I’ve mellowed out in my twenties, but I’m about to turn 30, so it’s wacky time again. I am fortunate to have material that I can steal from my quirkier, goofier, and geekier younger self.

  4. O King Ben, you truly would give a hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobe nightmares.

    But fear not. Archduchess Nikki arrives this very month and must lodge within the borders of this your previous reign. Tidiness will soon commence.

  5. You’re like the Bronte family, only funny! I think Grandpa Wilcken, who came from Germania and assisted the armies of the USA in an assault on Churchia, but then became an adopted son of Churchia, would approve.

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