Do you ever have days where you just want to scream because there is so much to do, so many expectations to fulfill and goals to achieve, and yet there will just never be time to do what needs to be done? I’ve been a bit stressed recently between work and home and Church callings and important hobbies and financial planning and the need to improve foreign language skills and many other personal goals (not to mention my Website and blog and an avalanche of email). But I’m gradually learning that one key to success is carefully choosing where to fail, and letting go of a few things.
“Letting go” is something I don’t do very well, but need to. Letting go was was one aspect of the Lord’s command when he told all of us to seek first the kingdom of God, when he challenged a rich young man to sell his possessions and follow Him, and when He questioned Martha’s diligent efforts get things done.
In the past two weeks week I had several imposing projects looming over me. I was almost in despair over my failure to make progress in several of them. Each day new distractions seemed to arise that made it hard to get anything done on my growing to-do list. A conference in New York that I though would offer abundant free time to get caught up left me with far les done than I expected (part of the problem was that I fell into temptation one night: as an avid photobug, the scenes at Times Square and elsewhere at night were just too tempting to resist in that marvelous city, and I ended up with a couple hundred photographs instead of a couple hours of extra work done – oh, the weakness of the flesh!). Church meetings and projects ate up too much of my time on the weekend. And so when Tuesday came, I had dozens of good reasons why I could justifiably cancel my appointment to visit some people with the missionaries. Fortunately, the Lord helped me to let go. I was able to approach the evening with no regrets and a recognition that my time was needed. And it ended up being one of the best days of the year so far.
The first visit was with a great LDS woman and her non-LDS sister. This was actually a home teaching visit and it was really enjoyable and we may have even done some good. The meeting was certainly needed. And then came a visit with a Protestant man that I was really honored to meet. He is a chemist with quite a few patents, and just talking to him about his work and some of his inventions made the visit worthwhile to me. But it was wonderful to discuss religion with a kind and devoted Christian honestly seeking truth. Whether he wants to seriously investigate the LDS faith in the future or not, it was uplifting and valuable to see what we have in common and to share something that I hope will help him. He had read in the Book of Mormon and had excellent and difficult questions. He really wanted to understand, not to just find fault. And participating in a discussion with such a person was a delight. I went home that night content and feeling that my time had been used in the best possible way that night. Yeah, I still blew it later by staying up too late to catch up on a few things and was too tired the next day, but at least for a while I was able to let ago and be blessed. I hope I can do that more often.
Thanks for this post, Jeff. Letting go is something I need to do as well.
I liked this comment–I should take “failure” far less seriously and learn to let go of things, or at least not be such a perfectionist about it.
Many of us have a “things to do” list. How many of us have a “things to stop doing” list? Institutionally as a church and as members, we sound a lot like my former finance manager when it came to keeping spreadsheets archived: “never delete, only add to.” The collective load often becomes overwhelming, especially for a conscientious member trying to do their duty as expected.
Thanks Jeff. The thoughts in your post give me much to reflect on. I have become chronically ill. Some days are better than others. I have learned that in order to have good days, I have to take care of myself. Because of illness I have had to eliminate a lot of “stuff†in my life. Since I have let go of things that I feel are not essential for me; it is amazing to me how much smoother my life is. In many ways my illness has become a blessing. My life is simpler. I am much more at peace.
I remember being in a position while an BYU undergrad where multiple very-important events were coming together all in the same week. Several would require I travel, either the 75-minutes to Bountiful or cross-country for a tournament. I had a audio project due for a Comms class and it was more and more obvious that I wasn’t going to have time to even conduct the interviews let alone script and edit a 15-minute project.
I went to the professor to ask what kind of a grade hit I’d take on the project if I turned it in late. “Journalism is all about deadlines,” came the answer, one I knew all too well. No late work accepted.
This wise professor then leaned in closer and said, “Chad, you do good work. This is only one of the 12 projects you’ll do this semester. No one ever went to Hell for getting a ‘B’ in a BYU class.”
I have to remind myself of that at times. Sometimes knowing when to let go (and what you can let go of) makes all the difference in the world.
I had a motto in grad school that anybody getting all A’s wasn’t doing enough. I was unwilling to sacrifice my wife and kids, the jobs I had to support the family, the callings at church, etc. just to get great grades.
I like to say that I had a perfect gpa. 3.0, anything less and I wouldn’t have gotten the degree. Anything more would have been showing off.
I actually find it a little harder to balance things now that I’ve been working a few years. Who knew I’d actually have more time with my family when I was in grad school and working two jobs than I do now with just one job?
Yes, Jeff, I too have such days. More often lately, so your post is timely.
Question: How important is your websites and postings in the mix of all you want to accomplish? Does it rank up there high, or is that something you could let go?
I ask this because I feel (like many LDS) it’s well worth it. In fact, I’ve had to let other things go just to make room for posting. So I’d be interested in your perspective on this topic.
You can do anything, but you can’t do everything.
Thanks for the post Jeff.
My new year’s resolution several years ago was simply to do less. It was a great year.
I’d say letting go is particularly important when it concerns following the Spirit. In the world men achieve things by forcing and coercing while in the gospel, we achieve things by giving in to the will of the Lord and letting go of whatever it is that is holding us back from following the Lord, be it a habit, a sin, projects or whatever it is. Letting go is the way to go I’d say.
The summer after my second year of law school was one of the most pleasant times in my life. I had a summer job at a law firm in Rock Island, Illinois (one of the “Quad Cities”). As a student working just for the summer, I wasn’t expected to stay past 5:00 p.m. We had left virtually all of our “stuff” back in our student apartment in Champaign/Urbana. It was just my wife and me and our young daughter and a few essential possessions.
I spent a lot of time playing with my daughter in the park across the street from our apartment. Since I didn’t have my books, I would often walk to the beautiful old library to read. We spent time exploring the area and visiting with family and friends who came to see us.
Church was also wonderful. We had no callings, so we could just relax and enjoy it (I say as I now live in a small, overwhelmed ward, juggling three callings).
I try to start my days by telling God what I need to do and turning it over to Him and letting Him decide. It works quite well.
But I was just thinking about yesterday, checking at Wal-Mart. I’m pretty much thinking I’m unsuited to the job.
Wal-Mart on Saturday is probably like when they threw the Christians to the lions. I would be the Christian. I want to scream in terror when I look up and see lines of people with two carts full of groceries, screaming carts, and they are totally zoned on me. No lie.
I told my husband I didn’t even get to go to the bathroom and he said, shut it down, and I said, “no way, they would have torn me limb from limb.”
That was my day of wanting to scream.
Bless your heart Annegb. I have worked with the public in the service industry. My guess is that about 10% of the general public is scary mean. That makes about one person per shift that has the ability to completely ruin your day. I am sure that I do not shop at your Wal-mart, but thanks anyway for putting up with us.
To LDS Patriot:
Thanks for your comment. Frankly, I have been wondering if it’s worth it. I really hate the design of my Website. Believe it or not, I care about aesthetics and navigation and so forth and realize that my site is lacking. I’ve been learning CSS and working on upgrading style, but it’s a difficult process. Given my work load and other duties, I can’t seem to make much progress with my site and wonder if it’s worth it. I wonder if I should stop blogging – that eats up time I could be using for the Website. I get feedback from quite a few people saying that it has helped, but I also get plenty of flack and certainly don’t think that local Church leaders feel that it’s an important activity (it’s viewed as a self-inflicted wound). I’m really struggling with what to do and where to focus my time.
To Annegb:
Dealing with a stream of American customers in our increasingly discourteous society is a feat of bravery and endurance. Interestingly, this week I had two experiences with checkers at WalMart and Home Depot that really picked me up. In each cases, a woman went the extra mile by simply being pleasant, cheerful, and personable. It wasn’t just, “Thanks for shopping here. Next!” There was a half-second of extra effort that communicated something like, “I’m happy to meet you and wish you the best.” I left thinking, “Wow, what a nice person.” I like nice people. These women surely have no idea that such brief contact left someone cheered and uplifted, at least for a while, but it made a difference. I bet you have made a subtle difference to hundreds of people.
In other words, don’t think of it as just being fed to the lions, but as playing a role in increasing the gastronomic quality of life of carnivores.
Thanks Jeff, that last bit was great.
Have you ever had a year that seemed like it was the worst day of your life? LOL, more kids getting sick than any previous year, more car troubles and job troubles, more appliances and plumbing problems, more parking tickets, and so on? Sometimes being fed to the lions seems like it would be a blessing.
On the other hand, I know I’ve made a subtle difference in the lives of countless people I’ve met, oops there go all those blessings in heaven. Seriously, I think its important to impart positive energy in as genuine a fasion as you can.
Jeff, when I was a lone and much-afflicted Latter-day Saint living in Brazil (there were other Latter-day Saints there, but I was lonely and much-afflicted for personal reasons) I read your Jefflindsay.com web site all the time. I have probably read just about everything you’ve written. I’ve passed on several of your arguments to people struggling with different aspects of the Gospel. Your web site is quite useful to people for many different reasons. Please don’t give it up.