I Hope They Call Me on a Mission So I Can Date a Babe or Two

News Flash…

 Entertainer Steve Martin has joined the LDS Church!

 Proctor and Gamble, Inc. has close ties with the Church of Satan!!

 Remember when you heard these stories? Maybe for a moment, you might even been suckered in and believed one or both of these urban myths. Truth be told, the Steve Martin story had me going for a day, but Church of Satan with Proctor and Gamble not so much.  There is another urban myth circulating about missionaries who work hard on their missions who will be blessed with a super gorgeous babe wife.  Ok, I see you rolling your eyes at me.  I will now illustrate the impact of this seemingly harmless Mormon urban myth with some true to life stories. Now put on your thinking caps, questions will be asked… here we go.

In a high socioeconomic ward in Draper, Utah, during a family sharing time in Primary, the father of the family, on bended knee with a grave and serious tone, said, “Boys, my Mission President told me that if you work hard on your mission, you will be blessed with a pretty wife”.  Later this brother was called into the Bishopric. Another anecdote from the same ward, in testimony meeting, a different brother said his Mission President told him because he worked hard on his mission he would be blessed with a gorgeous wife.  Lest we misunderstand either situation, neither brother defined pretty or gorgeous as internal beauty.

 

 I candidly asked a recently returned missionary if he had heard such a thing he replied, “Well, that definitely IS a rumor. I know it goes around missionaries’ a lot. For example, in Washington, they say that the more you tract in the rain, the more beautiful your wife gets. So, I think it would be an attempt at encouragement or motivation, but I have never heard it mentioned from any leader in my mission. I may have heard it jokingly, but never seriously.”

 

In LDS Bride a magazine, sold at Deseret Book, an article entitled, The Harder You Work featured a recently married couple; the groom was quoted as saying, “The classic missionary saying that goes, the harder your work on your mission, the prettier your wife will be. A miracle! First day home and a gorgeous girl was already looking for me!”

 

Is it just me, or does this make anyone else think of Muslim extremists and their promised eternity with a boatload of gorgeous virgin babes?  Of course I realize I am comparing senseless, horrible violence of suicide/homicide vs. dedicating two years of your life to the Lord to serve a mission and Proclaim the Gospel, which I know is quite a dichotomy, but do you not see a thread of similarity in motivating our young men, intentional or unintentional as it may be?

 

I cannot imagine that any authority in the church intending for the missionaries to take this obvious joke seriously, but apparently, for some, it has. This is one factor I believe contributes to self-esteem issues with women in the church.  We tell our young women that they are daughters of God, and they have divine worth. We then speak out of both sides of our mouths by then telling our young men hard work on your mission results in a breathtaking babe wife?  Just as in the world, are we guilty of over-valuing the physical?

I think the Lord intended missionary work to be instead a promise found in the Doctrine and Covenants:

 And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!

  And now, if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me into the Kingdom of my Father, how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me! (Doctrine and Covenants 18:15-16)

 

 Inquiring minds want to know

 is this a joke and everybody knows it

 OR

does this particular Mormon legend contribute negatively to our LDS culture (even as far as potentially impact our reputation and future missionary efforts)?

 Don’t be shy. Whatever your opinion, do tell. 

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About JA Benson

Joanna entered the world as a BYU baby. Continuing family tradition, she graduated BYU with a degree in Elementary Education and taught for several years. Growing up in Salt Lake County, her favorite childhood hobbies were visiting cemeteries and eavesdropping on adult conversations. Her ancestral DNA is multi-ethnic and she is Mormon pioneer stock on every familial line. Joanna resides in the Southeastern USA with her five children ranging in age from 8 to 24. Her husband passed away in 2009. She is an avid reader and a student of history. Her current intellectual obsession is Sephardic Jewish history, influence and genealogy. She served as a board member for her local chapter of Families with Children from China. She is the author of “DNA Mormons?” Summer Sunstone 2007 http://www.bycommonconsent.com/2007/04/dna-mormons/ and “Becoming Hong Mei`s Mother” in the Winter Sunstone 2009 http://theredbrickstore.com/sunstone/becoming-hong-meis-mother/.

54 thoughts on “I Hope They Call Me on a Mission So I Can Date a Babe or Two

  1. I heard this at least maybe at least a dozen times on my mission a year ago. I have never heard any body be in the least bit serious about it, although the missionaires that said it actually seemed to be the least serious, the least prone to tracting, and more to telling the other elders about the really hot girl they saw while contacting.

    So does that mean that everybody who goes on a mission to a place where it never rains (or where tracting is not common) returns home and marries the girl least asked out in her singles ward?

  2. Hasn’t anybody ever seen the RM? Of course, returned missionaries ALL get babe wives, especially when they suffer a lot upon their return from their mission.

  3. But more seriously, can I put in a word of advice from somebody who has made a lot of mistakes in his life and is older and wiser now? That word of advice is, “marry your female best friend, regardless of whether or not she is a babe.” Marrying purely on the basis of looks is silly, although I can admit to an understandable motivating factor involved when tracting in the rain.

  4. My mission president made that claim…
    I agree, however, that talking up physical beauty is probably not the direction the church wants to go.

  5. JA, I nearly fell out of my chair when I read the title of your post–good work!

    I don’t ever recall hearing a promise from my mission president–or anyone else in the mission for that matter–that hard work equals a good looking wife.

    I do remember throwing out Proctor and Gamble products when I found out they were supporting Satan. ;-)

  6. From Elder GI Joe (my oldest child) in the mission field-

    Some Emeritous GA’s wife in the MTC told us the colder our mission the hotter the wife. I didn’t like that. She talked about it for a while too. I think you are right. It is a little cultish.

  7. When a joke starts getting preached from the pulpit, does it cease being a harmless and become propaganda?

    I keep trying to wrap my mind around how someone not in the mission field can try to claim it is “fun and games”. It’s really quite offensive. Thanks for enlightening us JA with something worth thinking about.

  8. Good one #1 Ryan for pointing out it is the less enlightened types that propagate this joke.

    Geoff #2-3 I have not seen the RM. I know, how is it possible, but viewing the RM is on my long to do list. Very wise words also. This is one of the things I am worried about. Some gullible RM goes searching for the “hot babe” and either gets rebuffed or actually marries a woman for her looks only. A few years down the road and “hot babe” has a few kids gains 2-30 lbs and looks like all the other women her age. The thing that attracted him to her is now gone and what do they have left? You are right marry your friend and the love will last a long time.

  9. I heard our bishop repeat it, jokingly, to the young men in priesthood opening exercises a couple years ago. And his wife is drop…. dead…. gorgeous.

    I’d like to see a sort of opposite problem discussed.

    We have an obesity epidemic here in the midwest among men, women and children. It’s especially pronounced among women and LDS. African-Americans and Hispanics also seem to have a higher incidence of obesity. But it’s noticeable among all segments of the population.

    It seems that so much talk in the LDS church is on inner beauty, that young women grow up thinking they don’t have to take care of their outer physical selves. I’ve had a couple morbidly obese (BMI > 35) single women (who I’ve seen eat a 2000 calorie plate of brownies at a singles dance) ask me why they don’t get dates.

    First, they didn’t understand that health and food issues are lifestyle issues. People tend to be attracted to people with similar lifestyles. Most health-nuts are likely not going to feel comfortable married to a couch-potato. A vegetarian is likely not going to feel comfortable married to someone whose eating lifestyle centers around McDonald’s burgers and fries. A middle-of-the-roader will also gravitate to other middle-of-the-roaders, and not the extremes.

    Second, they didn’t see the ‘competition’ dynamics of Single Adults. There being many more single women than men over age 30 in the church, and men being visual creatures, the women who present the most appealing physical appearance get noticed first, even if it’s just “taking care of what you got”, and not necessarily glamorizing oneself with fancy clothes, hairdo and makeup.

    The “looks” that I’m looking for in a woman are not fancy clothes, hairdo and makeup. My mental consideration is “Is she taking care of herself?” And I’m more interested in “Marian the Librarian” types than glamour-girl types.

    First impressions matter, and one’s physical appearance is noticed before someone can get to know the person’s inner beauty.

    So it’s not just the young men who are being fed sexist dictums that might interfere with courtship and marriage, it’s the young women too. Instead of teaching “physical appearance doesn’t matter”, perhaps a better principle to teach might be “take the best care of what you got”.

    I don’t see it so much as a matter of looks, but of compatible lifestyles.

    Occasionally you do see a morbidly-obese woman marry an non-obese man. But most of the time, obesity comes after marriage: the woman has got her man, and lets herself go, or the stresses of marriage and motherhood cause overeating.

    But the non-obese man who is attracted to an obese woman in the first placde is the exception, not the rule; and there are other psychological factors involved in such a match-up.

    So it’s not just young men who are being groomed to have unreasonable expectations, it’s the young women who are also not being given a balanced overall picture of what to expect and how to prepare for courtship and marriage.

  10. thanks Tom and Tim for stopping by to voice your opinion.

    Brian I hope I have not ruined *I Hope They Call Me on a MIssion* for you. :)

  11. #8 CiCi Good comment. IMHO when a joke comes from a *higher up* it becomes official for some people. Also IMHO there are A LOT of members who are humorless. They take a joke as gospel. Also what if non-members were to hear this, Elder GI Joe is right, it sounds cultish.

  12. Uh, has anyone here tracted in the rain? Has anyone here here ever been or been around 20-year-old men who haven’t been on a date in over a year? Is it really so shocking that lonely young men engaged in an unplesant task joke about happier days? I don’t think it’s a question of believing that a hot wife awaits them for their service. I think it’s more that the missionaries believe they would rather have some, uh, female companionship than slamming doors and steady rain.

  13. Ryan and Emma, you do bring up good points. That overly focusing on dating/courtship/marriage during pre-mission preparation, or any level of focusing on dating/courtship/marriage during the mission is counter-productive, especially the latter.

    This is why conversion of the missionary needs to be pre-mission. Once someone has experienced the excitement or momentousness of their own conversion, their mental focus can be directed towards and captivated by the possible excitement and momentousness of the conversion of others.

    You shouldn’t need the promise of a “hot babe award” as motivation to work hard as a missionary. That cheapens things.

    That hope of experiencing excitement and momentousness is one of the main things that propelled me to keep on keeping on in the mission field.

  14. Bookslinger- I am not well acquainted with the Single Adults. I do see more women than men of all shapes and sizes. I do agree both women and men need to take care of their bodies with good food and exercise. Physical attraction in this sense is a good thing.

    What I am talking about here is that the media i.e. movies, TV and yes p0rn influence what our young men think is *hot*. Some semi-important yayhoo makes a comment about *hard work= hot babe* and they look for nothing else.

    Some LDS parents are giving their to their daughters brreast-implants for HS graduation. THis is an attempt to grab a RM husband FAST! I cannot believe that a lasting eternal relationship can be built on such a flimsy foundation. How much of our divorce rate can be attributed to this nonsense?

  15. Emma #13 Good point. The promise of female companionship is not so bad. Every man should marry someone they love and who they think is a babe. She should also be a friend and this is good healthy companionship.

    Bookslinger#14 *You shouldn’t need the promise of a “hot babe award” as motivation to work hard as a missionary. That cheapens things.* Really good thanks.

  16. One more point. What about the women/girls who hear these comments? The Sister MIssionaries? The young Primary girls etc… Do they wonder about their place in all of this?

  17. JA (#15), Yes, the Nephite disease seems to be progressing in the church. Boob-jobs seem to take the concept of fancy silks and fine-twined linen to an absurd level.

    I forget, where are you located? I’m in Indianapolis, Indiana.

    I’m more familiar with the church in the inner-city and middle-class to upper-middle class suburbs. The things you describe may be more prevalent in our upper-class suburbs here.

    We all have our challenges, our blinders and binders, our false-assumptions and mental/spiritual handicaps.

  18. “is this a joke and everybody knows it?”

    Unquestionably.

    Also, not to be pedantic, but I think you mean “anecdote,” rather than “antidote.” Of course, if you do mean antidote, the meaning of that passage becomes very interesting.

  19. JA Benson :
    One more point. What about the women/girls who hear these comments? The Sister MIssionaries? The young Primary girls etc… Do they wonder about their place in all of this?

    Yes… It tells me that I’m a babe! ;-)

  20. Many years ago in a Provo apartment I shared with five other young, single former missionaries, the CD player sounded George and Ira Gershwin’s “Someone to Watch Over Me.” The original lyrics are for a woman longing for a man. “Although he may not be the man some// girls think of as handsome,// to my heart he carries the key.//” The singer on that day though, was Willie Nelson contemplating that “she may not be the kind of girl some men think of as pretty.” Conversion among us followed about the validity of the lyrics. Did not every man in love think his loved is pretty? Could a husband or suitor really acknowledge any flaw in his wife or girlfriend, such as perhaps recognizing that she isn’t very smart?

    A couple years later in another apartment, another roommate wondered about Willie pining for “someone to walk over me.” The lesson: for interesting conversation, let Willie Nelson sing the standards.

  21. There are also variations on this one that I’ve heard from time to time. In addition to the hard work = gorgeous wife, one that was floated in my home ward was that every day you’re lazy as a missionary, your future wife gains another pound. In other words, the emphasis was on the “penalty” side of the coin instead of the “blessing” side.

    I remember laughing when I was 16-17 years old at such “jokes”. I never took them seriously, nor did anyone else that I am aware of, but the very fact that such things were commonplace in a priest quorum meeting is a little bit embarrassing in retrospect.

  22. I have to agree with Bookslinger (#14). I am a woman, and I take good health very seriously. I love to run, and I love all food, but try to eat healthy. When I was single, I found that people who had similar interests in health and activity were the most attractive – not because of their physique, but because we shared a common interest.

    I also think that we need to strike a better balance between being “hot” and “physical appearance doesn’t matter.” I live in Scottsdale, AZ, and there is a ton of plastic surgery, and I have to wonder – what did Mormon and Moroni think when they saw our day and saw the plastic surgery! holy mackerel. However, “letting yourself go” shows that we do not take seriously our stewardship over the bodies that heavenly Father has blessed us with.

    Regarding the joke/urban myth hard mission/hot wife…I’m the one who told my husband, “Well, I can tell that you served a great mission because I’m HOT!” ;) He (wisely) agreed. We’re both really happy – as we are truly best friends.

  23. I echo what some have said that people need to have a better sense of humor. I also believe though that you should marry someone you find attractive. However, beauty is a funny thing. . .There have been a number of occasions when I have thought someone was attractive. . .until they opened their mouth. Then all I could say to myself was, “what was I thinking.” There are a lot of folks who my not initially attract attention but whose looks “improve upon acquaintance” as Jane Austen puts it.

    I totally agree with Bookslinger about the need to for people to develop good eating and grooming habits and make the best of what you have with your appearance.

  24. #18 Bookslinger yeah I am in a middle class bedroom community in the south eastern USA.
    #19 JimBob. Thanks Jim Bob thanks for pointing that embarrassing one out for me. That was the internet version of spinach between my teeth and you were good enough to tell me. :)
    #20 Ginger, good for you girl friend, way to have great self esteem! ;)
    #21 John sadly I do think that some marry for looks only because that is all they see at the time. It comes back to haunt them later. From what a young friend has said about the LDS online dating services with many guys in their early thirties with a few kids. I wonder how many young marriages, that are based on looks only, end in divorce.
    #22 Scott I think that most of us are like you Scott a fun joke between friends. When the joke crosses the line for me when it preached over the pulpit in FT mtg, Primary, MTC etc… That is a line for me.
    #23 Catania I agree there is a big space between hot and does not matter. It is many of these women I worrry about.
    #24 RK Amen brother Amen!

  25. From Captain and Tennille:

    Just because you’ve become a young woman now
    There’s still some things that you don’t understand now
    Before you ask some guy for his hand now
    You keep your freedom for as long as you can now

    My mama told me
    You better shop around (mm-hmm-mm)
    You better shop around (Whoa!)

    There’s some things that I want you to know now
    Just as sure as the wind’s gonna blow now
    The men’ll come and the men are gonna go now
    Before you tell em that you love em so now

    My mama told me
    You better shop around (ah-ha-ah)
    You better shop around

    Try to get yourself a bargain, girl
    Don’cha be sold on the very first one
    Good looking guys come a dime a dozen
    Try to find you one who’s gonna give you true lovin’

    Before you take a man and say I do now
    Make sure he’s in love with you now

    My mama told me
    You better shop around (ah-ha-ah)
    You better shop around (ooooh – hoooo – ooooh)

  26. OK,I have a lot to say on this topic! I am a returned sister missionary and I had a lot of people I trackted into in Toronto surprised that they let “little girls” go on missions. I had one non-member person tell me they didn’t think our church let girls go on missions because he heard that when an Elder went home he got to go pick his virgin wife from the basement of the temple…and that that is where our church “stored” the pretty ones. I also have a friend who is drop dead gorgeous and when she started dating someone he actually told her “I can’t believe this is what I get”, when she asked him what that was he told her that he had turned his life around and was promised to find a great girl, which he took to be a “hot” girl.

    So with that said, I think most people don’t take this saying too seriously, but there are people out there that whole heartedly believe this crap.

    Growing up LDS my mom always taught me to have a nice appearance. I have been told I am really pretty and my mom has told me several times she was worried I would turn into a very stuck up person because of my looks. I do think the church maybe focuses on “inner beauty” a little too much because I don’t care who you are phyisical attraction is what initially makes you want to meet a person. With that said though I have dated guys who were extremely hot and in my opinion could have been models, but they didn’t treat me well. They looked at me as a peice of arm candy and nothing else. They never thought twice about cheating on me and just weren’t very nice in general. Looks can fade very fast!

    I am now married and lucked out with a good-looking husband whom is also kind…even though I’ve gained weight after having two babies over 10 lbs a piece. Physical attraction is very important, but once you fall in love with someone it’s easy to still be attracted to that person after they gain weight, or anything else that might not make them quit so attractive. I am quit aware that if my husband met me the way I look now he wouldn’t have asked me out, and in turn I probably wouldn’t have wanted to meet him. Obiese people cannot expect the hot person to come ask them out, they need to give a little in what they expect in another person too.

  27. I think we should look at how the saints have interpreted language in the Book of Mormon that equates “fair and delightsome” women with righteous living. Beautiful people might also be overrepresented in Utah. This could be scientifically tested to see if it has affected our expectation of finding beautiful people when we want to get married.

  28. #27 Bookslinger that is totally cheesy :)

    #28 Uncle Nette, Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment. I wanted to hear from a RM Sister. You are right, good looks (eye of the beholder and all that) is what attracts a potential mate, but it is our soul connection that makes it love. As we get older things do change. A seminary teacher I had about a million years ago at Mt Jordan Jr High gave us all a lecture that basically told us that if the one you think you love was in a disfiguring car crash, would you still love that person? I always took that to heart. He was right, if you say no to that question it is lust and not love. If you can say yes it is true love.

    #29 Jacob I agree, but some are obviously gullible enough to believe is the problem.

    Sterling #30 Are beautiful people over represented in Utah? I am not sure that I have heard that one before. If so, I wonder what the criteria was? Is it the high number of blonds? The media seems to like blonds with tans. If so, I guess it would be the Scandinavian dna. I think that Iran has some gorgeous people.

  29. This is totally a joke. If a missionary hears this joke and takes it literally I think he has bigger problems to worry about, since he obviously doesn’t get why he’s on a mission in the first place.

    Every time I have heard a married or engaged man tell this joke he has *always* used it to compliment his wife. Most of the time their wives were just normal looking women, but their love makes their wife especially beautiful to them.

    I also had a good friend twist the joke to say that on his mission people would tell him that the harder he worked on his mission the more beautiful his wife would be. That didn’t motivate him enough, though, so then they told him that the harder he worked the better his computer would be. At that, he claimed, he jumped right up and got work. He ended up marrying one of my best friends, so later on he added that he was blessed with a beautiful wife anyway.

    As far as the “beautiful people overrepresented in Utah” – this is total hearsay but my husband claims that when Playboy did a survey of colleges that BYU was found to have the most beautiful women. I also have heard many times that the BYU student body is overall much healthier than most colleges (which seems more likely than the Playboy claim). When your lifestyle doesn’t allow for drugs, alcohol, or promiscuity then you have to find other things to do… like exercise!

  30. JA Benson, hear! hear! at last someone illuminates the subconscious sense of entitlement so many LDS single men possess…..my 24 y/o in-shape educated daughter laughs as she describes the overweight bump on a log men in her singles ward snubbing their friendly, accomplished female body type counterparts as they oogle the flashy 19-20 y/o blondes.

  31. It goes both ways. Younger men that aren’t particularly flashy are often ignored in favor of older, wealthier, more established, and better looking guys.

  32. Katie #32 – I totally agree with you. And I don’t really have a problem with the joke amongst missionaries as they are tracting in the rain. I do, however, have a huge problem with the idea then carrying over beyond that circumstance into the halls of our wards and in the MTC itself as a motivational training tool.

    This raises the question – what do you do when someone in an position of authority preaches or misrepresents something that is unsupported by scripture or revelation?

    Here it’s a joke amongst missionaries that has been taken literally and/or carried beyond the mission field. I can just imagine one Sunday that brother in the same tone of voice extoling the virtues of paying a full and honest tithe and then the next the blessings of a beautiful wife for serving a mission. Speaking as a teacher, that’s not funny folks.

  33. Yes, you are right. Many LDS women, like women in the world, have the money and looks qualities right up there on their checklists! Flashy goes both ways….href=”#comment-35438″>@Mark D.

  34. #32 Katie I agree it is a joke between married couples. This joke does not belong at the pulpit.
    #33 and #36 Annie Excellent points. We need the opinion of our single sisters on this topic.
    #35 CiCi Amen Sister Amen! This is what I am trying to convey. Joke between friends and mates, but not a joke to be used as motivation. It just gets weird at this point, too much like older Al-Quaeda dude influencing a dorky teen to be a homicide/suicide bomber with promise of mega babes in the next life.

  35. It was a way to talk about girls, but still keep mission front and center. Comparing it to the 70 virgins of Muslim extremist is a huge stretch. (unless the 70 virgins things started out the same).

  36. #37 Addrax please see CiCi #35 above for a excellent argument why hard work = hot babe is not to be used as a motivational tool at the pulpit. What is preached at the pulpit should be truth.

    Each to his own in the humor department. If a married couple or a couple of missionaries think it is a fun private joke, all the more power to them.

    As for comparing it to the Muslim extremists. I agree it is a stretch in that the “results” are different. However the “means” are the same. Older influential person portrays the lie (cause that is what it is) as truth to motivate the hormonally charged young man to—— (fill in the blank).

    Satan is the father of all lies. We should not use his tactics.

  37. In my mission (Bulgaria), whenever we broke a mission/white handbook rule, our future wife – where ever she was in the world – ate a cheeseburger.

    I broke my fair share of rules and my wife is gorgeous. Through my uncanny powers of deductive reasoning, I’m assuming the opposite is no more true.

  38. While I’m sure anybody who’s served a mission is familiar with this saying, I’ve never once known anybody who actually took it seriously. And I’ve never seen or heard it actually preached or taught by “authorities.”

    JA Benson, I kinda skipped through the comments so you may have addressed this previously, but regarding the two examples you referenced as evidence that this joke is being preached by some “authorities” as gospel are both stretches.

    So a regular Joe in the ward says it to his son in what you perceived as a serious manner. Then at some point later he’s called to the bishopric? Oh the humanity!

    Then another guy tells you his mission president told him something. Was his mission president really serious? You’ll never know because your source is second hand. I’m sorry, but if this post were a newspaper article, your editor would have spiked it.

  39. Tossman #41 I know it is late/early, but I never said a father preached it to his son, he preached it to the entire primary. This is a subtle example of sexism that can be found among some members in the church. Little girls heard what was said in primary. What do they think when they hear a comment like this? They wonder about their place, not as a daughter of God, but as an object. It has been my experience what children hear in their own ward and in their own families has such a strong influence can often supersede something that even the prophet may have say.

    The guy who repeated what his MP said did it over the pulpit as part of his testimony. He did not mean it as a joke when he said it. Nobody laughed, he was serious. As a joke it would have been in extremely poor taste over the pulpit. I do not know if his MP was serious. Whether the MP was serious or not does not matter. As an authority figure it was inappropriate for him to do so. As for whether this post could be good enough for print? Maybe not (that is the beauty of blogging), but I wrote this blog to refute an article in a magazine about working hard=babe wife.

    #40 Good for you Wesley and your brilliant powers in deductive reasoning ;)

    #34 Mark D. Thanks for your comment. You are kinda a legend on the bloggernacle. Thanks for stopping by.

  40. As much as I like Bookslinger, the fat gal comments are over the top when most LDS promote the WofW that makes many people fat. Carbs not only make many fat, carbs kill! Go Atkins and live!

  41. Steve EM #43 Thanks for stopping by. I am a big fan of your comments. I rarely agree, but I think you have fascinating opinions.

    Carbs/wheat are easier to store. Wheat will keep you alive. Right now most of us do not have that problem. I read somewhere that the wheat of today is vastly different than the wheat of the 1800′s. Humans have changed the grain so much that it is now more sugar and less protein than a 100 years ago or so.

  42. Steve EM, It’s a distorted interpretation of the WoW that leads to obesity.

    Focusing on carbs is not the advice given in the WoW. I think part of the problem is that Mormons eat too many carbs without any fiber, especially white flour (no bran) and sugar.

    The problem with wheat isn’t that it’s so high in calories, it’s that people don’t eat the bran, therefore they don’t get full, therefore they eat more of the bran-less white flour.

    The WoW also promotes herbs, i.e. vegetables. But it doesn’t tell us in what proportion to mix vegetables with grains. That’s another source of misinterpretation.

    Joke:
    Q: Do you have food storage for your pets?
    A: No. The pets _are_ food storage.

  43. From #7: “Some Emeritus GA’s wife in the MTC told us the colder our mission the hotter the wife.”

    Hmmm…I served my mission in Norway…and my wife is hot! Even after 35 years of marriage. :)

  44. I hate to spoil your story but Steve Martin really is or at least was a member of the LDS church. He served as ward Mission leader in a ward in Tulsa Oklahoma back in the ’90s. Seriously, I met and talked with him at length. Seemed like a great guy.

    As for rumors, I was surprised to hear missionaries that actually believed that the Holy Ghost goes to bed. Seriously??? A member of the Godhead loses his power after 9:30?? I know people are trying to say that if you are not obeying the rules then you won’t have the spirit, but what a blasphemous expression. I personally taught discussions past 9:30 and even 10:00 without the spirit leaving.

  45. Good one Heli, don’t start that rumor again! A Steve Martin is a member not THE Steve Martin. I’ll bet there are a lot of Steve Martins in the world. Both Steve and Martin are pretty common.

    From celebrities Rumored to be Mormon:

    “The rumors regarding Steve Martin’s membership in the Church seem to stem from a ring he wore in a television interview in 1996. Some apparently thought that it was a CTR ring. Many people asked his public relations people many times, but they avoided the question. Finally, in 2001, he said:
    “I’m not a Mormon.”
    Source: Steve Martin Clowns Around at press conference by Bruce Kirkland, The Toronto Sun, 10 Sep 2001
    An email from a visitor to Famous Mormons

    I was present at the birth of the “Steve Martin is a Mormon” rumor. It was sometime in the early 90s. I had been a member of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir for a few years when a member of the Choir told us one Sunday morning that his son had baptized Steve Martin back in Hilton Head, South Carolina. I’m sure that many Choir members did what I did. I told everyone I met about it. I even announced it that Scott Card’s
    Nauvoo site on AOL.
    But the following Sunday when I asked that Choir member for more info about it, he said, “Oh, I misunderstood my son. He said he baptized a man named Steve Martin, but it wasn’t the famous one.”

    As for the HG going to bed. You are right. That is a funny one. Hard to believe that someone would actually take it seriously. Parents tell that to their dating teens to get them home before they get into trouble.

    Hans #46 as it should be.

  46. @Bookslinger
    You mention several times the morbidly obese women with the regular guy, but what about the obese guy with the regular girl? That’s what I notice more often. It seems to be okay for the guy to let himself go, but not for the girl.

  47. JA Benson, Ah, so not only were you present for the conception of that rumor, you took an active role in fueling it!

    I shudder to imagine the damage you’ve done. What about all of those people who’ve rented some of Steve Martin’s racier movies thinking “it’s ok, he’s a Mormon. JA Benson said so.”

    My sister’s home teacher’s boss told him that he heard Steve Martin was a member. He said this in the HALLWAY AT CHURCH. That person later served on the high council. Oh the blasphemy! Think about all the poor women who don’t have husbands because they’re not hot enough to qualify for a hard-working RM, who placed all their hope on meeting this great Mormon actor? What about their feelings? What are we teaching our children?

  48. #50 Tossman, I am perplexed at your tone; unless (Ah hah!) you live on the east bench in Draper, Utah. You serve in a Bishopric! A couple of years ago you got on bended knee during Sharing Time to witness to a group of Primary children that if the boys served well on their missions they would have a babe wife like yours! Eureka!! :)

    #49 JES I have noticed that sometimes as well.

  49. JA, I was mocking your woe-is-me attitude toward the hard work = hot wife joke. I guess satire isn’t my forte.

  50. JES:

    @Bookslinger
    You mention several times the morbidly obese women with the regular guy, but what about the obese guy with the regular girl? That’s what I notice more often. It seems to be okay for the guy to let himself go, but not for the girl.

    I suppose what’s “ok” or “not ok” is to be determined by both parties of relationsihp. If two people are happy together, who are we to say they shouldn’t be?

    But we’re talking generalities here. I (or maybe we all) like to make generalizations, but we all realize there are all sorts of exceptions or rules-within-rules.

    I think one overall generalization is that people match up with those they feel comfortable with. Or, as Robert Heinlein said, it’s the rule of the jungle, ducks mate with ducks, and swans mate with swans.

    There are several more items or principles in play:

    - The ratio of active-single-women to active-single-men in the church.

    - Women tend to have lower standards when choosing a mate. Ie, women generally “marry down” and men “marry up”. If women had higher standards, there would be a lot fewer marriages.

    - At younger ages, men are more concerned with their spouse’s looks than women are.

    - Desperation plays a part. Whether it’s a woman with a ticking biological clock, or either sex tempted to make a quick or a poor decision just to avoid loneliness.

    - Body image is tied to a _lot_ of psychological factors. And, consciously or unconsciously, it’s the psychological factors that ultimately drive us in choosing a mate. Even if we are considering physical attributes, it’s our attitude/psychology towards those physical attributes that ultimately influences our choice.

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