Guest post: You can have toned arms like mine, but your Mormon husband will never be president

Guest post by Michelle Obama

Note to readers:  the first lady has graciously agreed to our offer to guest post for FMH.

Face it ladies [editor:  wormons] you can go to an Ivy League school,  marry a Rhodes Scholar, have five children, have a scandal-free past, even save the Olympics, but your husband can never be president.  Mine is.

But this does not mean you can’t have really toned arms and wear those cute dresses [editor:  note that some of them won't cover your garments] that I get to wear.

My first bit of advice:  get to the gym.  I went with Barack to a Mormon campaign event once, and all those women [editor:  wormons] looked like Mike Huckabee’s wife.  I mean, really, just because you’ve had a few kids doesn’t mean you should let yourself go!  I only spend 2 to 3 hours a day in the gym, and I’m the First Lady.  If I can do it, so can you!  Look, everybody knows Mike Huckabee’s a Mormon [editor:  Baptist, but you see how because of the Mormon Patriarchy everybody thinks we're part of the right-wing conspiracy?], but he at least lost some weight!  He really needs to get his wife on that same diet, and you can do the same thing!

One last important bit of advice:  find a good, non-controversial pastor.  Barack and I learned that one the hard way!

6 thoughts on “Guest post: You can have toned arms like mine, but your Mormon husband will never be president

  1. Meg’s comment just goes to show that some of you Warmons really need to get a sense of humor, in addition to getting to the gym.
    :-D

  2. Wow, Michelle, what I want to know is, did you write this before you left for the UK or are you logging in from London to guest post?

    I’d love to read a slightly snarky post about the Queen’s dress sense, if you get the time. Oh, and I was happy to hear Carla Bruni wouldn’t be there, because that means you will be hands-down the most stylish woman there. Don’t get me wrong, you’re hot by political standards (but then Washington is Hollywood for ugly people so like that’s saying much), but you just can’t compete with a supermodel like Carla.

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