Comments on: Frustration When Friends Are Over -Working Out Disagreements

By: JA Benson

JA Benson — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 03:19:39 +0000

Oh, and Joyce, LOL

By: JA Benson

JA Benson — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 03:19:14 +0000

Thanks Nicoleen for the help. It is good for me to remember to be patient.

By: Nicholeen Peck

Nicholeen Peck — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 02:01:46 +0000

Joyce,

You are so honest. I wish more people were like that.

By: Ben Pratt

Ben Pratt — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 19:08:51 +0000

Thanks, Nicholeen!

By: Joyce Brinton Anderson

Joyce Brinton Anderson — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 18:44:58 +0000

It’s an easy skill, but many adults can’t even do it.

Yes, I know, that big girl is me.

By: Nicholeen Peck

Nicholeen Peck — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 17:58:38 +0000

Geoff,

It is good to allow children to try to problem solve on their own. It builds confindence and communication skills. However, sometimes children need help learning a more effective way of communication. I have found that if I tell my child how to handle one situation by showing them exactly how to resolve it, then in the future they repeat the healthy communication skill on their own. People learn best by having a model to follow. So, I become the model on a regular basis so they don’t have to figure out communication the hard way all the time. You are right, it takes more work, time and talking, but in the end the calm adjusted child is more mature and confident, so it is worth it.

Joyce,
Children who get guidance have more social confidence and find it easier to find happiness is relationships. It really is amazing how teaching a skill like how to disagree appropriately can give so much social confidence to the child. It’s an easy skill, but many adults can’t even do it.

By: Joyce Brinton Anderson

Joyce Brinton Anderson — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 15:36:18 +0000

Thanks for the post. I needed to read this today. Sometimes those little girls are bigger and need some guidance.

By: Geoff B.

Geoff B. — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 12:52:17 +0000

Nicholeen, my approach up to now has been to simply allow kids to work out problems on their own with some very broad guidelines. I might take my girl aside and say, “you know you need to be nice, try not to be so selfish and see her side of the issue.”

But your approach is interesting also. Boy, it is a lot of WORK, but I also know a few minutes of directed work can solve you a lot of “drama time” in the future.

Thanks for this suggestion.