I think God asks us to do many impossible things, when we stop and think about it. That is, where faith and the atonement come in. The atonement is what enables us with Christ to do or complete these impossible things.

As far as needing to forgive the minor annoyances in a day, I had not really forgot about that one. We often are upset by letting things and just forget them before really having any feelings of forgiveness. However, an awareness of the need for forgiveness may make one conscious of it during the act and make one slower to anger or at least quicker to come back to more harmonious feelings.

“That is what charity does – it improves people. It helps them. A forgiveness that merely allows people the confidence to continue sinning is not forgiveness. It is a kind of imposition of slavery.”

Is this not defining a behaviour on our part that tends to make us feel superior rather than Christlike. The act of charity on our part is an extension of our relationship with the Saviour.
Forgiveness by us, as compared to that of the Saviour’s, has less to do with changing other people’s behaviour and more to do with how we ought to behave. We can no more force people to change than fly to the moon on wings if they don’t want to, or don’t see, or feel, the need to change. Hence, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do”. The commandment given us is to forgive all men.

Nephi rebuked himself because of the feelings he had when his brothers persecuted him. He had to forgive them. He didn’t have to stay with them. They didn’t change. He did.

It may well be an act of selfishness to forgive because we are the one benefiting from the act initially, but this might well be an argument for the virtue of selfishness when the end product makes us better, and therefore able to offer more.

However, as in Jordan’s example, sometimes our repentance can inspire them to change and we all feel enriched and want to improve.

The problem is, and this is where knowledge comes in, and thus the importance of Christ being in and through all things, we must know how to be able to reach out to them. Often what we call reaching out is merely keeping people in their sins. It isn’t forgiving at all. We offer not what is righteous but what we determine. Thus communication (in the broad sense of the term).

Consider abuse. Would it be appropriate to embrace the person and go back to the status quo? Not if the person is likely to become abusive again. How on earth would that be serving them? To put them in a situation where they do more grievous sins? That is far from forgiving.

I think the ideal for forgiveness is always God. And, looking to God, we must remember that God saves us from our sins and not in our sins. If, as several have suggested, forgiveness and charity are closely tied together or even the same thing, then we must be lifting people out of their state. That is what charity does – it improves people. It helps them. A forgiveness that merely allows people the confidence to continue sinning is not forgiveness. It is a kind of imposition of slavery.

Reconciliation to be reconciliation has to be two way. Forgiveness means preparing to meet the other and greet them. But, as with God and his grace he prepares for us, the sinner must take hold of it, also truly and with real intent.

Forgiveness does not mean abrogating our responsibilities and duties. Far from it.

I had the strangest thing happen to me recently, that kind of taught me something about forgiveness — even if it was a sort of forgiveness by accident. It also was an experience that I now refer to as my “Seinfeld moment.” I swear this experience is the potential seed of a hilarious Seinfeld episode.

In my entire life there is only one person I came to dislike so intensely that I would refuse to say hello. I felt this person had gone to some unusual trouble to try and hurt me personally with an emmployer. Ironically I was eventually placed into a position where I was in this person’s vicinity from time to time … so I would occasionally have to pass her in a hallway. I was so angry at my negative experiences with her that I’d just walk right past her, pretending she wasn’t even there. I later got feedback that she said whenever she passed me by, she felt like a black hole had opened up and eaten her up. I didn’t mind that she felt that way … not one bit.

Anyway … under those personal circumstances I went to a wedding of a co-worker … and as things work out, she was there. I was trying for awhile to avoid eye-contact or any verbal encounter with her. At one point I saw someone else that I knew, said hello, and somehow (this is the “Seinfeld moment” part of the story) she intercepted the hello. She’s a fairly short person and somehow she had gotten between myself and this other person. She genuinely thought I was greeting her and I was completely caught by surprise at this little social accident. After the briefest hesitation, I felt compelled to say hello back in response. We had some small talk and I actually felt my heart softening towards her.

I was actually relieved a little bit by this. It helped to take away that little bit of tension that I had been carrying around with me. I’m still not overly fond of this person but I think I could be a little less hardhearted towards her, as I was in the past.

The old joke about this is the boy scout grabbing the arm of the old lady and dragging her across the street. As they reach the other side the old woman starts hitting the boy scout with her umbrella yelling, “I just got to that corner! What are you doing?”

Put simply forgiveness that is purely on our terms is not pure forgiveness. It ends up being a kind of selfishness.

I disagree. My friend has made tremendous efforts with much success at forgiving her father for his wrongs. However, her forgiveness does not mean he has repented. Her forgiveness does not mean that he does not continue to do the same things. Her forgiveness does not mean that she has to keep letting him do wrong and hurt her or her children.
Forgiveness towards each other is a different thing than forgiveness from God. We are required to forgive all. And it does not matter if the person has repented. God will forgive as he chooses, and repentence is required.

My neighbor has been a pain since she moved in, she is young and she knows everything and fights with all of us. I have been able to see her soft inner core, that tender spot that Stephen Covey writes about and be nice to her anyway.

But this is about aging, growing up, per se, for me. Some people do it more readily than others. Yeah, it’s charity. Which can be a gift, or the grace of God, rather than anything I’ve done to earn it.