By Pret Entious

During the twelfth year of my dissertation, I began to discern a need to obviate the subcutaneous abdominal bubbling that was the result of my 12-hour days in front of the computer while I continue to study the dangers of heteronormality in 15th century Nepalese villages.

After three constant months of supplication, my partner-husband Steve Entious-Whipped agreed to release the necessary funds for me to obtain a tumescent liposuction.  The results are more than satisfactory:  my bubbling has subsided to an acceptable level and I can fit into sweat pants I haven’t been able to wear for several years.

But my liposuction raises a raft of moral conundrums.  I am primarily concerned here with the many, many Third World women who because of continued masculine domination are unable to be granted low-cost health care that will allow them to obtain the necessary tumescent liposuctions they so obviously need.  Fellow wormons, what can be done to help redirect Church funds for these women?  Please comment with specific action plans.