Sailing Into the Unknown
Normally, I prefer focused articles on a specific topic than sharing personal stories, but with my wife’s permission, I’d like to share some of the events occupying most of our attention these last couple of months. Many of you may not find this interesting at all, but I think there are a couple of issues that could be inviting for group discussion.
At the beginning of October, my wife (”The Baroness”) and the kids took off on their own to visit her family in Taiwan. Just days before she left, we had confirmed that she was pregnant–barely a month, if that. The original plan was for her to return the first week of November.
Halfway into her trip, she began suffering some minor abdominal pain and, upon visiting a Taiwanese doctor, discovered that she had a growth of non-cancerous tissue growing outside her uterus, already eight centimeters long, that would require surgery to remove. Not a major form of surgery by any means–might even be outpatient in the US…if it weren’t for her pregnancy. Our baby–barely six weeks old–was nowhere near mature enough to make it through surgery in one piece.
“No problem,” said the doctor, “We’ll just ‘take out’ the baby first, then remove the growth, and you’ll just start again next year.”
While the abortion wars rage on in the US, in the Far East including Taiwan there is no such debate. Abortion is as casual as having your nails done–cheap, too! In fact, while there is a word for abortion in Chinese, it’s almost never used–substituting instead vaguer figures of speech such as ‘taking out’ or ‘moving’ the fetus.
It was, as the doctor explained, ’standard procedure’ in cases like this: you ‘take out’ the baby first, then you have the surgery. The idea of doing otherwise was, well, silly. The baby wasn’t likely to survive surgery anyway, and a miscarriage would have more lasting health effects on her than a controlled removal. A second opinion from another doctor…and then a third had more or less the same thing to say.
Her (non-member) family members were much the same way: “Why are we even discussing this? ‘Take out’ the baby, have the surgery and start again next year.” Regrettably, our options seemed limited, because the size of the tissue and the speed at which it was continuing to grow certainly precluded any idea of waiting until the baby was due in May or June to have the growth removed.
My first gut feeling upon hearing the initial report: “Hmmm, no baby for us…” It seemed inevitable that our baby was to be lost–it felt certain that it just wasn’t going to be our destiny to have this baby at this time. However, accepting the inevitable loss of a baby due to uncontrollable circumstances is markedly different than deliberately choosing to give up on it. Were we sure that there was nothing else to be done? Could we say honestly that we had done all we could to keep it? I told “The Baroness” that I had no particular wisdom to impart on the issue, other than my original gut feeling that this baby’s destiny wasn’t with us at that time, and that we were probably going to have to accept what was our only option, keeping in mind her own present and future health.
Still, we waited, without committing to anything…
“The Baroness” asked the branch president of the local Taiwanese branch to come and give her a blessing. He laid his hands upon her head…and told her in specific terms that it was not her destiny to have this baby at this time, and to go forward with the surgery including the abortion.
I couldn’t say what I was expecting to hear given the seeming lack of options, but this was still a surprise. My immediate question to her after she reported this was: to what extent, if any, do you feel Taiwanese cultural influence played a part in the content of the blessing? ‘Don’t know’ was her response, although the fact remained that we didn’t appear to have many options and–fundamentally–the message of the blessing lined up with my first internal feeling upon hearing about her medical condition in the first place.
Still…we waited.
During a follow-up visit with the doctor, he was persistent, “You really should have the surgery as soon as possible, just as we had talked about. You can always get pregnant again next year…”
He paused.
“But if you REALLY want to keep your baby, then there’s one other option. If you wait until the baby is about 14 weeks along, when the placenta is fully formed, then–in reality–the risks to the baby undergoing surgery are fairly small.”
He then candidly explained that (while there is always some risk involved with any surgery) people, even doctors, tend to exaggerate the potential for miscarriage (or birth defects) for undergoing surgery while pregnant, simply because aborting first is easier and more convenient for both the doctor performing the surgery, and often the mother herself. However, if she could hold out for another month and a half then the chances for surgery without losing the baby were much better…dependent, of course, on the growth–already growing at about half a centimeter a week–staying manageable.
Having had this new course of action presented to us, “The Baroness”–who still wanted her baby–felt comfortable proceeding with it, as did I…despite the fact that this was, more or less, the exact opposite course of action than our priesthood blessing had laid out for us.
After many weeks spent waiting somewhat nervously, the doctor announced the week after Thanksgiving that ultrasounds showed the placenta was fully formed and it was time. The surgery was performed quickly and smoothly, and as of today, both “The Baroness” and our baby are healthy and we’re now all together again resting at home. While it’s still early (and I don’t mean to jinx ourselves), at the moment we had apparently snatched our baby away from the gaping jaws of ‘destiny’ and kept him/her in our lives.
Discussion Issues: There are many things in life that you don’t ponder as heavily until you’re actually faced with it. While I don’t think this experience has fundamentally changed my opinion on priesthood blessings (or abortion), at the very least it has provided a personal case study for deliberation.
What to make of the role of our priesthood blessing which, for all intensive purposes, we ignored? We’re not naive enough to think that personal opinion or cultural influence plays no part in the content of a blessing–however, fundamentally, we feel that asking for and receiving a blessing through the Holy Spirit from the designated priesthood leader for our area is still ‘binding’ in some way. How do we define ‘binding’ in this context, though?
Everyone knows the LDS position on abortion is more nuanced than most others on the ‘pro-life’ side–that’s probably a dead discussion. Because of this, we see no reason to question the ‘legitimacy’ of our blessing due to content–the content seems to be consistent within the context of the LDS position on abortion, regardless of the predominant culture where it was given.
Still, this was not a decision that we could have made easily, nor without some emotional baggage. In this context, we could interpret our blessing as an indication that that course of action (immediate surgery with no baby) was an acceptable decision (but not necessarily the only decision), and had we decided to go forward with it, we could have done so without guilt or regret. Since this had played no small part in the hesitation to proceed with that course of action in the beginning, we could argue that this message was indeed the most relevant to us at that time.
In this context, then, the blessing is ‘binding’ in that it outlines a course of action that is deemed acceptable in God’s sight–a ‘green light’ to proceed without worrying about it being held against us later on Judgment Day.
Now, we have to be careful with the ‘green light’ concept–it’s dangerous to say anything said in the course of a priesthood blessing automatically becomes ‘okay’. (I’ll bet someone will be sharing a priesthood blessing ‘horror story’ very soon in the comments below…) As mentioned above, our blessing outlined a course of action that was consistent with already established LDS doctrine and policy–a vital distinction.
Can we argue that a blessing that is within the scope of established doctrine and policy can still be ‘wrong’–as in: we would be held accountable for our ‘wrong’ decision even with, in essence, a priesthood-stamped “Get Out Of Jail Free” card?
I would have to argue, no. If we can’t treat priesthood blessings as ‘binding’ towards the Lord’s will in even the most basic way such as this, then the whole idea of priesthood authority and power seems to have no meaning. A priesthood blessing would be reduced to just a random collection of words which have no bearing on anything real in this life or the next. (Yes, we know many members hold the ‘random collection of words with no bearing on anything’ attitude towards ALL priesthood blessings, but we’re not willing to go there…) We shouldn’t have to ask for the Lord’s will in a blessing, and then immediately have to ask for the Lord’s will again to make sure the first time was really ‘correct’–what would be the point of having priesthood blessings at all, then?
In any case, our family is now sailing into the unknown future, (at present) with our new child still with us, for which we are exceedingly glad…
Kevin,
First, glad that mom and baby are safe and wish for nothing short of that as time continues.
(IMHO) I do not think that Priesthood blessings “bind” the Lord anymore than the sincere and heartfelt, faithful prayers offered by someone with a pure heart. If a PB offers a rallying point for those supplicating the Lord for His help, this would seem to serve a purpose. But I think we understand very little about how PB’s are intended to be efficacious and that most Priesthood holders, do not reach the level granted to Nephi (Helaman 10:5).
It is probably a fact that fewer things said in PB’s actually occur than do not, but I do not think this is a new phenomenon; men have been cautioned against seeking to counsel their God from the beginning. And yet, this is not a slam at the Taiwanese Branch President; he simply did what we all do in that situation; lay the cares of the day aside and do the best we can based on the info we have.
I do think that from time to time we should seek the advice of church leaders but in a training meeting where Elder Oaks was the “trainer” he spoke of not allowing our direct communication with God to be blocked by our unwillingness to seek our own answers. This is not a criticism of you or how you handled this situation with your wife, very far away and obviously in peril. But I would still offer (IMO) that two expectant parents kneeling simultaneously, regardless of geography and supplicating the Lord for His will, and then acting on that (which in the end is what you and the Baroness did) will measure up to counsel in a PB.
This was a joint decision based on the agency of the TWO parents. If someone were considering surgery for another reason and was single, it would be their agency and prayers that would be utilized in communing with God DIRECTLY for His approval. Priesthood Blessings can be wonderful but I do not believe that they hamper agency.
Fascinating post. What an interesting mix of experiences and things to think about.
I’m glad your wife (and child) are doing well.
Kevin, in my personal experience, you and your wife are primarily responsible for your decisions in these types of circumstances. So, you are responsible for setting up a completely vertical relationship with the Father. It is incumbent upon you whether or not to accept horizontal inputs that may or may not come from the Lord. Do I believe most of the blessings I have received are real and from God? Yes, because they have been confirmed to me one way or another through my interactions with the Father.
People giving blessings are influenced by many factors that may be cultural and that involve their personal desires/experiences, etc. I have received advice from bishops that I, after personal prayer, decided to reject.
This is, it appears to me, a far cry from rejecting priesthood authority and prophetic authority. If, for example, a bishop or stake president, acting in the name of the Lord, were to order me to do something, I would probably do it (usually after confirming it through prayer).
I like to think of the whole polygamy situation with Joseph Smith in the 1840s in which he, in effect, ordered people in the name of the Lord to do something they didn’t want to do and accept plural marriage. I’d like to think that if I had been Heber Kimball, for example, I would have followed the prophet’s orders. But note that in all cases the people were given time to confirm the orders through their vertical relationship with the Father. They were not asked to blindly obey Joseph Smith without praying.
So, it would seem to me that the personal prayers of you and your wife are what really count. That is where you should receive the most important revelation.
I will probably be in the minority here. I would interpret any priesthood blessing, from anyone (my father, my Bishop, my Stake President, etc)knowing that besides being from God, it is probably influenced by their personal feelings. I don’t believe the Branch President in this example was wrong, it’s possible he culture influenced him in a small way. Knowing this probably fell under the few reasons we are given that abortion is an option, his cultural understanding of abortion probably kicked in and finsihed the blessing off for him.
I can’t remember if we had a similar discussion here(it may have been FMH), but my father gave a blessing that reminds me of this. Too make a long story short, his mother asked him to bless my grandfather that he would live, and my father followed the spirit and asked that he let go. At the time I didn’t know if I could have done that, maybe I would have given in so my grandmother would have had some short-term comfort. People are weak, this Branch President could have been, I could have been, any Priesthod holder could be.
I am really glad that mother and baby are doing well. (I am actually pregnant myself at this time.) Regarding the priethood blessing, I would not necessarily hold it to be the will of God. You would have to ask the branch president if he had the Holy Ghost with him at the time and if he said what the Holy Ghost prompted him to say. Ideally, the receiver is also in tune with the Holy Ghost at the time and will feel the confirmation of the truth at the same time. If a priesthood holder gives a blessing that is not inspired by the Holy Ghost and the receiver follows the counsel given, perhaps the priesthood holder is then responsible in some way for the actions of the receiver (”blood upon his garments” etc.). Giving a non-inspired blessing would seem to me to count as using the name of the Lord in vain. It truly is quite a responsibility that priesthood bearers have.
If we assume the blessing was ‘inspired’ (I wasn’t there, of course–I was 7000 miles away and have only my wife’s words to go on)–doesn’t that make it ‘binding’ in *some* way? (Maybe that’s not the right word). If you receive an inspired blessing which says one course of action is recommended, then at the very least you would have to assume that choice is acceptable to the Lord, and can rely on the words of the Holy Spirit to provide a window to the Lord’s will. (If the blessing’s not inspired, then obviously there is no promise).
This is a serious question: what is the point of receiving (inspired) priesthood blessings if you cannot hold them to be representative of the Lord’s will in even the most basic way? Was there no reason to ask the local branch president for a blessing, and instead just prayerfully consider our options ourselves? I have to believe priesthood power must bring *something* to the table…
Kevin,
I believe that PB’s are a great way to gather additional information and inspiration so that a prayerfully gained conclusion can be reached. What is the now almost trite answer given when asking: “What is the Priesthood”? “The power to act in God’s name.” Yes, each Priesthood holder has this privilege but for a variety of reasons, may or may not be privy to GOD’S WILL in the matter.
There is also the responsibility of the recipient to consider, which is probably of equal import. I don’t say this in a negative way since there is just as great a chance that the receiver of the blessing is as “in tune” as the giver.
Years ago a close friend went to her bishop to see if she should have additional children since her others had been born c-section. This wise bishop sent her home to counsel with her husband and the Lord and to let all “three” of them make the decision jointly. I was not there and would not want to judge the BP in your story, but I think he could have served both of you well with this same type of advice; given through a blessing or as conversational counsel.
Kevin, the Savior is the only one who ever walked the earth that everything He said, happened. We know of times when apostles and disciples fell short in their exercise of the Priesthood (casting out devils, not calming the storm, a short-lived water walk). Did this mean they were bad people or weren’t living righteously enough to perform these “exercises” or were they like the rest of us, just doing the best we can. I hope it’s the latter because I remember blessing the sister in a home teaching family I had 15 years ago that she would indeed have children in this life. Hasn’t happened. May never happen. But that’s what I felt inspired to say that day. But I don’t think every pronouncement from Joseph Smith’s lips ended the way he wanted. It is part of the faith issue with which we all must deal.
In more modern times the brother (a SP at the time)of a close friend, had his healing from cancer presided over and promised by a current member of the First Presidency. The wife was so taken with this PB that she kept expecting her husband to arise from his casket at any minute, during the funeral. It did not happen.
There are unfortunately few things that are sure in this life. The Priesthood and faith in God are two that can always be relied upon. It’s just trying to understand what it is that we are to learn from and then act upon from these two “rocks” that gives us the opportunity for growth as we “work out our salvation with fear and trembling”.
These of course are all just my opinions.
Elizabeth,
Congrats on your expectancy! Are you of the John Mansfield, Mansfields?
I agree with #4, except I might change his last sentence to “people are human.” I do believe that China’s emphasis on abortion and fear of exploding population may have colored the branch president’s words. Think if she had been in, say, Italy, and a formerly Catholic branch president had givent the blessing. There’s no way it wouldn’t have been influenced by his prior experience.
But I do think that you couldn’t make a mistake in this experience. I believe that if you had followed the advice given in a priesthood blessing and also the urging of your healthcare professional, the Lord wouldn’t have held it against you. Your experience is so profound that there must be something to be learned, gained, from it, but perhaps we are the ones who are learning. Even if it’s only to be very careful should you be traveling in China while pregnant, it’s a gain.
Pemble, yes, Elizabeth is my wife.
I’m glad all is well.
Kevin, was the surgery performed in Taiwan or in the US?
My understanding is that Taiwan does NOT have the “one child” rule. Is that correct? If so, I would not expect Taiwan to have the same cultural attitude towards abortion that mainland China does.
Though ethnically the same as mainland China, Taiwan has been a completely separate country for 60 years, regardless of whether one publicly subscribes to the “One China” doctrine.
The surgery was done in Taiwan (chea-per, and “The Baroness” wasn’t really able to fly back in her condition, anyway)
Taiwan doesn’t have any ‘one child’ rule, although culturally it is still rare to have more than two, due to population density (small houses) and the fact that both parents almost always work outside the home all the time. (In fact, a common arrangement is having the kids being raised by the grandparents while both parents work full time (and overtime) making mo-ney.) Ironically, “The Baroness” is the fifth of five children, so she’s really an outlier.
One of these days I’m going to put together an article describing in detail the family and soc-ial culture of Taiwan and how LDS traditions fit into it…
Mark “chea + per” as another word our comment filter doesn’t accept…
All of the thoughts expressed above are very interesting. Some have lost their faith when things do not come as they expect them.
In an October 2004 General Conference address Elder Faust quoted President Kimball, “If pain and sorrow and total punishment immediately followed the doing of evil, no soul would repeat a misdeed. If joy and peace and rewards were instantaneously given the doer of good, there could be no evil—all would do good and not because of the rightness of doing good. There would be no test of strength, no development of character, no growth of powers, no free agency. … There would also be an absence of joy, success, resurrection, eternal life, and godhood.â€
Kimball, E. L. (1982) The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball pg 77
One must be careful of finding fault with leaders in spiritual things, “Satan will always work on the Saints of God to undermine their faith in priesthood keys. One way he does it is to point out the humanity of those who hold them. He can in that way weaken our testimony and so cut us loose from the line of keys by which the Lord ties us to Him and can take us and our families home to Him and to our Heavenly Father.â€
Eyring, H. B. (2004, November), Faith and keys, Ensign pg 26
In the end I agree with the comment that we are responsible for our decisions and should involve Heavenly Father. There are people that are constantly looking outward for help in their decisions as they do not and cannot have the relationship with deity necessary to aid them in finding the solution to their problems.
While the first thing is obedience “If ye love me, keep my commandments.†John 14:15. A priesthood blessing is not a commandment. Sustaining church leaders does not imply “blind obedienceâ€. The problem we run into is when we are unwilling or unable to go to our Heavenly Father realizing that not only does Jesus’ Atonement make up for our shortcomings it also makes up for our leader’s shortcomings as well.
Adam was commanded to call upon God and offer sacrifices. (Moses 5) We must also call upon God and offer as sacrifices our contrite hearts which many have said includes our sins. As we do this we will grow closer to our God and as we grow closer to our God we will, each of us, learn his individual will for us which is likely different than that for our friends both in and out of the Church.
Baron: Thank you for publishing the movie reviews and for allowing us comment on issues, you have brought up. I wish you and your wife well in the coming months. This has stimulated more thought on the subject than I have had in years owing to lack of spirit in the area I reside which I firmly believe is rooted in the fact that many of the members in the area fail to call upon the Lord.