Sunday School Lesson 28, or How to Accidentally Set Yourself On Fire While Teaching the Bible
Posted on July 23rd, 2006 by M* Ben
It was our old scoutmaster’s fault. I wasn’t there, but he told the story of Elijah and the priests of Baal (pronounced ba’al, not bale). Except, he told it at night. With props.
After that, we never went camping without lighting our fire Elijah-style. We’d arrive at the usual campsite at Carly State Park, set up for later, and then go off to play Frisbee or football until dark. Then we’d come back. The firepit had a diameter of about five feet, entirely surrounded by a foot-high stone compass rose.
“Elijah challenged the priests of Ba’al to a showdown. He made an altar, and doused it with water 12 times.” At this point, we’d pour a few cups on the pre-layed firelogs.
“Then he prayed, and said ‘Oh LORD God, let it be known in Israel this day that you are God. And fire came out of heaven, and consumed the sacrifice, the altar, and the logs.”
At this point in the festivities, a fireball appears outside the fire-ring, about 12 feet off the ground, flying towards the firepit and leaving a trail of flame in the air behind it.
I can’t type the sound it makes, but I do know that the branches on the tree sixty feet above the firepit are singed with the flame that virtually explodes out of the ground when the fireball strikes the unlit firelogs. That is how we lit our campfires.
Using wire of some kind (string burns through, and plastic melts) strung through a roll of toiler paper, we laid our fires in a u-shape, tying the wire to the back of the u, and the other end to a high tree branch across the campsite. Someone would climb the tree with a little gasoline. When Elijah dumps water on the fire, we used gas. (Doesn’t burn too well soaked with water, as it turns out.) When the appropriate moment comes, the person in the tree douses the toilet paper, lights it, and sends it shooting down the wire to the gasoline-soaked firepit.
This was not the end of our high-octane shenanigans. We usually camped with gasoline AND kerosene. And we learned how to make mushroom clouds, a two-stage process.
So, finally, once, post-mission, I went with my fiance, my brothers, and a few of their friends, mostly non-members. And we did the Elijah fire. And the mushroom cloud. And it backfired. Some lit gasoline landed on my back, and I was quickly aflame from my waist to my hair. RM flambe. I remember quite clearly realizing, “huh… I’m on fire” and, wishing to make sure everyone else understood this, I anounced “Oh frick, I’m on fire!”
I stopped, dropped and rolled, but I was on the gravel road surrounding the firepit. Gravel allows room for oxygen to get through, and it didn’t put anything out. Someone grabbed one of the 5-gallon buckets we stationed around the firepit for emergencies, and doused me. No harm done. A few minor burns to my hand and the back of my neck, and the back of my hair was singed an inch or so. My fiance was more traumatized than I. My parents were asleep when I got home, but my Mom cut my hair the next morning.
“Benjamin! What happened to your hair?!”
“Oh yeah… I kinda caught on fire last night… It was ok though.”
My brother’s friends learned well that evening, the story of Elijah, the priests of Ba’al, and fire from the heavens. And I learned that I was not immortal. Not yet, anyway. But I look forward to dwelling in God’s everlasting burnings. The scouts will be in charge.
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11 Responses to “Sunday School Lesson 28, or How to Accidentally Set Yourself On Fire While Teaching the Bible”
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Words fail me.
Nice going, Ben. I would have paid money to have seen it. And I can only dream about being the cool kind of scoutmaster you had.
You tell this story great except for one part. The fire got put out because i jumped on your back and smothered it (the fire) with my belly. the water pump was a good 25 yards away and you would have burned to a crisp if we had waited for someone to run over there, hand fill it with a pump, and then run back with a slightly full bucket of water.
Anyway, to carry on the tradition, when i was first counselor in the branch presidency on my mission, we had a branch activity centered around the elijah fire and faith. it was fun.
Huh. I thought at least one of the buckets was full. But then, you know, I was on fire at the time, and I was giving my full attention to that.
Excellent story!
Anyone here watch Stargate? During yesterday’s lesson, everytime I saw or heard Baal’s name I had to stiffle the giggles. You see, he’s my favorite Goa’uld in Stargate. I mean, he’s the hottest Goa’uld, pleasantly nasty, and has really cool gravity toys.
Awesome.
Little brothers always claim they saved the day. I suppose this is a better use of TP thank TPing your neighbor’s house.
We had a priesthood activity not so long ago that entailed every one marching about a quarter mile with wooden torches with an ignited aromatic hydrocarbon soaked cloth at the end and then putting them in a pile to create a large fire. One of the deacons behind me nearly ignited my hair on fire several times by getting too close. Unfortunately, there probably needs to be a policy (if not a law) against this sort of thing.
Tanya, you are now my favorite bloggernacle resident. Ben, setting yourself on fire is pretty funny, but nothing beats the hotness of Ba’al. ^_^
Bill had a friend who had a cannon and liked to set it off in inappropriate places, like when they had youth conference at BYU.
I gave this to Bill so he could use these ideas, although, for a scouter, he’s not so good with fire. The stove caught on fire once, and he tried to blow it out. Another time I had to restrain him from putting water on the fire on the stove, and I grabbed the baking soda. Then I gave him a firm lecture and looked at him with not a little wonder. Because he’s been a scout leader for years. And the fire extinguisher was right there as well.
Once he was pouring gas on a fire when we were camping and it flared up and caught his pants and he ran off carrying the gas can. It’s only pure dumb luck that he lived through that. I said, “Bill, what were you thinking?” He had no answer.
Haha! I love this story. It needs to be in your personal history.