Sliding doors and open windows
Posted on December 2nd, 2005 by Bryce Inouye
In the obscure 1998 movie Sliding Doors (starring Gwyneth Paltrow and John Hannah of ‘The Mummy’ fame) viewers are given a vision of how a simple event (subway doors sliding shut before or after a woman is able to board the train) can have a significant impact on a person’s life–even leading to dramatic changes in their ultimate destiny and fate. A fun and interesting screenwriter’s exercise to be sure, but what impact do ’sliding doors’ have in our own lives?
A friend of my wife’s shared with us once that her parents were righteous, happy Latter-Day Saints for many, many years…until one day when her dad was killed in a freak accident. Thus began a death spiral that led her mom almost immediately into inactivity, drug use and depression. Many stories involving inactivity have a traumatic event like this at its center–personal tragedy and suffering are one of many reasons why someone might go inactive, but also raises the question: what would have happened if circumstances were different? What if a ’sliding door’ had led our friend’s dad to a different place at a different time where the accident did not occur. If the husband had NOT died in an accident, would the wife have remained faithful and happy to this day? Was the resulting inactivity and loss of faith caused by the accident, or merely exposed due to it? Do they create flaws in the foundation, or just expose existing ones? Would struggles with inactivity have been inevitable regardless of what happened at point A (because there would always have been point B and C in the future which would have done the same thing)? Without a complete knowledge of all the sliding doors in one’s past and future, how can you even begin to comtemplate a conclusion with any surety?
It would be easy for the mom in her current situation to look upon other sisters who were still active with disdain and say: “They think their testimonies are so strong…but I’ll bet if their husbands died they’d turn out to be just like me.” Perhaps… And if her husband hadn’t died, perhaps she’d be just like them. It’s an unknowable question…
Many instances of inactivity are caused (triggered?) by conflicts with ward members (ranging from the petty to the genuinely tragic). What if such a member had happened to live across the street in a different, ‘happier’ ward boundary with different people. Take away the member conflict and perhaps the member remains active, faithful, and happy the remainder of their lives. Take away one member of the ‘happy’ ward and move him/her across the street into the ‘bad’ ward with a domineering, callous bishop, a gossipy back-biting Relief Society, and/or a ragingly self-righteous yet hypocritical EQ president and maybe they get driven into inactivity just as quickly. It’s also an unknowable question…
It is an interesting philosophical question to ponder, but is it significant from an eternal perspective? Probably not… After all, we’re not judged by what could have happened, but what did happen. Even an omniscient God can’t stand there and say, “You’re were very strong and faithful in your lifetime…although I’ll have to dock you some points because I foresaw that if you had happened to have this or this challenge, you wouldn’t have done so well. Sorry!” Likewise, in the above example, the sister in question may attempt to defend herself by saying, “Well, if my husband hadn’t have died, I would have remained active” to which the most probable response would be “But, he did and you didn’t…”
The seeming inequality in life experiences from one person to another–even within the same family–presents many compelling gospel questions…for which neither I nor anyone else have any easy answers. Is it ‘fair’ that some people seem to suffer more than others–that some appear to sail smoothly through life while others just seem to run into one bad life or ward situation after another? Does the ‘fairness’ matter in the end? Or will the Lord just say that no matter what happened He ‘hath already descended below them all’…and thus we really don’t have any excuse in the end. Are we convinced of His statement that His grace is sufficient for all…with absolutely no exceptions? Does God really open a window for each door that has been slid shut? If so, then maybe we really don’t have any excuses for things that happen to us in this life…
While consulting together during the composition of the LDS Activity Crisis series in August, my wife (”The Baroness”) asked what situations I could foresee that would cause me to be inactive myself. Not an easy question to answer–how can you outline situations that would cause your foundation to break in the future, but that aren’t causing breaks right that second. (That would be like planning to stay married for twenty years and then get divorced–if divorce is the ‘plan’, what’s the point of waiting?) And yet, saying ‘nothing’ is too easy and facile a response. I would imagine very few members who are currently inactive anticipated being so at the beginning–they probably said ‘nothing’ too… In the end it will probably come down to: how firmly do I understand and accept the healing power of the Atonement to overcome ALL difficulties and struggles no matter what happens? And how easily can I stay focused on the true foundation of gospel in the face of conflict among friends, family, ward members, or my own desires and flaws?
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14 Responses to “Sliding doors and open windows”
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Kevin, is it possible that we chose at least some of our own challenges ahead of time in the premortal existence? I believe so. It is possible that as we prepared for coming to this Earth that we recognized that we were weak in certain areas and that we came here specifically with the idea of improving in those areas. For example, there are people who have quick and explosive tempers and feel horrible after every outburst. Is it possible that they were aware of this weakness in the premortal existence and are consciously working on improving this part of their personalities? People who accept the Gospel and learn to curb their tempers over time will feel incredibly blessed and happy that they found a way around their weakness. My personal opinion is that many of the challenges people face — physical handicaps, sexual problems, life crises like death in the family — may be challenges that they specifically requested so they could improve themselves. I have no idea how this works (I can’t imagine the “menu” approach where you are given a list of possible problems), but it just feels right to me that this would go along with the plan of eternal progression.
So, if this is true, when a family member dies and you become inactive, you will be very disappointed with yourself either later in your life or in the spirit world, and that knowledge that you took the wrong path toward inactivity will help you progress even more by helping you repent more fully.
That’s an interesting theory–would we choose ‘challenges’ knowing full-well we might not be strong enough in the end to handle them? This leads back into the idea whether bad things that happen are directly God’s will from the beginning or (as I wrote about previously) are things that ‘just happen’. I’m not sure if given the choice we’d see nearly as many premortal spirits choose the difficult challenges that they seem to encounter here on earth, especially in such numbers. I’d still probably lean more towards the idea (from the earlier article) that God doesn’t arrange events ahead of time, but let’s thing fall where they may and cares more about how we react to events, (and being available for support when asked…)
It’s scary to think about ‘what might have been,’ especially when it comes to your wife. You start to think, you know, I probably could have married someone else and been just as happy, and that’s an unsettling thought, because you’re devoted to *this* woman and you want your relationship to be unique.
It was thinking about this that finally let me figure out what Abrahamic sacrifices were all about–you know, those ultimate trials of faith in which God asks you to do something that doesn’t seem to have a reason.
I choose my wife not necessarily because she was absolutely the best and only woman for me, but because I chose her. Our relationship is happy because the choice is made–I’m not continually reevaluating whether or not she’s the one for me. Abrahamic tests, I realize, give us the chance to have the same kind of relationship with God, in which we show that we have chosen him, not just the consequences or reasonableness of what he asks of us.
Part of my work involves fluid dynamic stability. A perturbation to a stable flow makes no difference in the long term; there is a return to the base condition. For an unstable flow, a perturbation grows without bound, eventually forming a different flow condition. For many cases of interest, the nature of the perturbation is irrelevant. It may not even matter how infinitesimally small it is. What matters is whether the flow is stable or unstable before the perturbation comes.
Kevin: After all, we’re not judged by what could have happened, but what did happen. Even an omniscient God can’t stand there and say, “You’re were very strong and faithful in your lifetime…although I’ll have to dock you some points because I foresaw that if you had happened to have this or this challenge, you wouldn’t have done so well. Sorry!”
I think that because God is omniscient he can “dock us points” for not being the kind of person that would have remained faithful in the face of challenges that we didn’t face. Just like he can’t award us points because he knows that we would not have failed had we not faced certain difficulties. True, we’re not judged by what could have happened. But we’re also not judged solely by what did happen. We’re judged by who we are, by our hearts, which only God knows.
I think we have to assume that given experiences here and in the spirit world prior to our ultimate judgment, that God’s judgment will be just. That he’ll be able to judge who we are.
This whole discussion is akin to the discussion about mental illness. To what degree are we free to chose, given the role the brain plays in our mind, thinking, and choosing? We can but assume that God knows what he is doing and can isolate out what is due to environment or body from what counts towards judgment.
God does reward people for how things might have gone, since we believe those who didn’t hear the gospel and yet would have accepted it will be saved.
So why not the reverse? Could God punish us also for how things might have gone? It seems to me he could, since he rewards for possibilities.
Tom’s comment hit a chord with me. God does judge us by who we are, by our hearts. There are many inactives that have become that way for various reasons but still have a testimony of the gospel. They have a testimony of the book of Mormon and the Prophets. Their lack of activity (attending meetings etc.) doesn’t necessarily mean they have lost their testimony. Sorry I don’t want to threadjack this, my feeling is I’m glad God is the judge…He has the right perspective and ALL the information.
love these sorts of threads as they really lend more understanding to what we just do not know and that is what happened before we came here; whether we chose our lives, or whether God decided completely, or whether there is a combination of both, it is very unclear. One thing is very clear though that we sometimes get small glimpses of what happened before this life through whatever means we are open too. For myself, they have simply served to confirm something I seem to have known for a very long time about myself whether it be from having a short temper or able to speak a foreign language fluently or whatever.
In the last few years, the scriptures in Mormon 9:3-4 and Alma 41 have come to mean more and more to me as to how I will feel after this life. I simply have come to understand that I will get only that out of life what I put into it and nothing more. If I live true, then I will get more truth in the next life; if I live Godly, then I will probably be comfortable dwelling in the presence of ‘Gods, Angels, and Witnesses of my own free will and choice’, and yet if I choose to walk away, I will just not be comfortable living in a place where those things do exist that I walked away from, and so why would I even want CK glory if it was against everything i had determined within myself to become in this life — God will not force me or anyone else in the CK let alone to keep his commandments in this life. Perhaps this is why 2Nephi2:27 is so true that we are free to choose for ourselves! Some other good scriptures that apply here: Alma29:1-8; D&C122:7-8; Abr3:22-25.
I once had a Bishop say, not that this is doctrine, but for some brethren that do not treat their wives good in this life, no matter if they are sealed in the temple, that they should not be surprised if their wives do not want that sealing in place after this life once their wives get a better view of what this life was really all about. So, if we extended this to other things in the kingdom and beyond, we will not be forced to enter the CK if our hearts just do not want to and why would we really want to if this was the case because it will just be a more intensified version of what we did not like in this life!!!
It is important to remember (there are several good conference talks on this that I’m too lazy to look up), that we are given adversity to help shape us into our true potential - you know, the metaphors of the potter’s clay and the coal being changed to a diamond. Does that mean everything bad that happens was directed by Heavenly Father? Not necessarily, but we do know that He will not suffer that we are given more than we can bear. Without the ‘bad’ things that test our faith and testimony, we will not be sufficiently prepared in this life to meet God. It is much easier to look at the trials in our lives as true blessings, when we realize that they are shaping us to become more like our Heavenly Father, and are preparing us for what lies ahead as well. We should welcome and pray for trials that will help us become stronger in our faith and testimony.
That being said, I can say from current experience what would send me into ‘inactivity’ (that being poor attendence of meetings, not disbelief in the Gospel or Church) - and that is not having a purpose, not being needed. My life currently is sedentary. I have no calling, no kids. I work a mindless job. I have absolutly nothing pushing me or testing me. And that makes it very hard to care enough to wake up at 7:30 on a Sunday morning to go to a ward that doesn’t notice if I am there. I think this in and of itself is a trial many people face in their life. The lack of a struggle. You see this in scriptures repeatedly. When the way is easy, people fall away. Whoa unto them who say all is well in Zion.
(sorry if that didn’t make sense - I currently am high on Nyquil lol)
I think the fundamental theological question– do we live in a universe ruled by fate or chance– at stake here is not being honestly addressed. I hear posters trying to make both arguments simultaneously. Trying to have it both ways makes understanding our relationship to the Eternal fundamentally impossible. So which is it? Are we ruled by fate (i.e. we or God chose or chooses which challenges we will face)? Or are we ruled by chance (i.e. the sliding doors)? If someone can make a coherent reconciliation between the two I’d like to read it.
After all, we’re not judged by what could have happened, but what did happen.
Ah, but it is not what happened, but how we respond to it, that makes a life. We are judged on our responding, not our happening.
Though I’d be happier with five girls celebrating Rachel’s birthday tonight instead of just two. But I am who I am, regardless.
Julie (#10) I think that is a real issue. (One I noticed in myself when I was single at times — although oddly I think in many ways I felt more in church in singles wards than in the married wards I’ve been to. I’m not sure why) As I mentioned in the other thread on leadership I think that church is primarily a place we come to serve. When we don’t feel like we are serving or that our service isn’t working well it is easy to feel excluded. I’ve found that before, both at times when I don’t have callings and at times when my calling has been frustrating. (I can think of a summer as a scout leader where I couldn’t effectively do my calling that fit into that category)
Still, I think that while having formal callings in the structure is one way to serve, there are many, many other ways to serve. Ranging from working in the Nursery (actually one of my favorite callings that I was never actually called to - I just went to help my wife) to simply making your own activities and inviting people to them. My favorite all time ward was one I was in with John, my fellow co-blogger here. There almost all the activities we had we made on our own and none of us were actually called and none of the activities were actually church callings. I’ve wanted to do that here in my current ward, although having a young child and a newly pregnant wife make it hard. But I keep kicking myself for not doing it as I know that sort of serving before being called can make a huge impact in the ward. So don’t feel obliged to wait to be called before finding ways to serve at church.
“Sliding Doors” seems to be discussing The Many-Worlds Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics, wherein “whenever numerous viable possibilities exist, the world splits into many worlds, one world for each different possibility” and “Everything that can happen, does, somewhere.”
Is it possible that our Final Judgment will depend on not only what we did here, but on the choices and actions made by all of our “other selves” in all the other possible worlds as well?