My Daddy is an alligator wrestler!
Posted on June 24th, 2005 by ECS
I just got back from a trip to Hilton Head, South Carolina with my family.
Amidst the shopping and golf, I sneaked away one morning to the Pinckney Island National Wildlife Refuge, which is a beautiful wildlife park just off Hilton Head island.
I chose a trail that would take me around a pond and bird nesting area, and after walking along for about a half an hour, I spotted a man riding a bike with his two sons. One son, who looked five or six, was riding his own bike – complete with crash helmet and training wheels - and the other son was riding on a pseudo-bike contraption hooked onto the back of his father’s bike. The father pulled over to the side of the road and stopped to adjust his son’s helmet – we said hello – and then I walked over to a bench nearby to sit down by the pond and watch the birds and enjoy the glorious Southern sunshine.
A few minutes later, the little boy on his own bike (his name was Griffin), came riding excitedly towards me yelling at the top of his lungs, “we’re going to see some alligators, and my daddy is an alligator wrestler!!!â€
Soon, his alligator-wrestling dad came riding by, and he stopped and we chatted for awhile about the weather, how beautiful the park was, etc. At some point during the conversation, Griffin looked up adoringly at his father and bragged, “I told her you’re an alligator wrestler!!!†His dad laughed, a bit embarrassed. Griffin’s dad, probably five feet six, wasn’t very big. If I were a gambling woman, I think I might have bet on the alligator.
Despite his father’s dubious wrestling capabilities, Griffin’s exuberance and complete adoration of his father was touching and refreshing. It has been a long time since I believed my dad could wrestle alligators, but I do remember walking to school with him as a child, noticing the sound of his shoes clipping briskly along next to mine and feeling immeasurably happy and secure. I don’t think my Dad ever wrestled alligators (the English leave that to the Australians), but I still think he’s pretty cool. Happy (belated) Father’s Day, Dad!
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Awwww…
Last night my 2 1/2 year old, Rex, woke up crying in the night. Macy went up to console him, but he kept asking for dad. So she got me out of bed and I stumbled up, lay with him for a minute, got him settled down, and tucked him in again. I gave him a kiss and told him to have a good night. When I got to the door of his room, he whispered something I couldn’t understand– another request for a drink, I thought. I said “what?” and he whispered again– still imperceptible. Finally, I walked back to his bed, leaned down, and said “what?” again. He worked a smile onto his sleepy face and said “I love you.”
Happy late fathers day to me!
That’s a cute story, Ryan.
Maybe I missed one, but I thought it interesting that there were NO Father’s Day posts on the bloggernacle. Hmm. Wonder what implications we can draw from that
Very good point. Especially compared the the enormous bumper crop of mothers day posts.
That comparison bears out, I think, my own family’s practice too– father’s day is a very casual affair, a few presents a kiss, where mother’s day is a pretty big deal, breakfast in bed, flowers, presents, and a day off of doing anything remotely motherish. Strange how things get so out of balance based on the different baggage that comes with each gender.
Sweet post, Elisabeth, thanks.
Ryan, I’m wondering if you can elaborate a little on what you mean by “out of balance” and “baggage.” On T&S, at least, the Mother’s Day posts (and there were a lot of them!) were written by mothers reflecting on their own experiences mothering. That there weren’t Father’s Day posts suggests to me only that men are less likely to reflect on their experiences as fathers, or at least less likely to do so on Father’s Day.
I wanted to write a post pointing out the lack of father’s day posts around the bloggernacle, but it sounded a bit snotty. Who am I to judge what people should or shouldn’t write about? But, I do feel a bit bugged by the lack of emphasis on father’s day. Despite the fact that these Hallmark holidays are contrived, I feel fathers get the short end of the stick in being recognized for their sacrifices for their families - beyond the sacrifice of sticking with a boring job to pay the mortgage when they’d rather be out golfing.
Also, I don’t know if anyone saw the father’s day article in USA Today, but it featured a stay at home dad who wrote about how much he enjoyed staying at home with the kids. But even though he stayed home with the kids, their family had a maid to clean the house, the mother did all the laundry (even though she was working full time), and the father didn’t even cook! So, essentially, the father just stayed home all day and played with the kids. This is not the lot of most stay at home moms, and lots of people wrote letters to the editor complaining about the lopsided portrayal of men in the home.
Anyway, it seems that not many people are interested in discussing father’s day (not that this post was written to provoke much discussion), but I think the complete lack of discussion on the bloggernacle about fathers day was strange.
Elisabeth, I don’t disagree with you, but I’m wondering who you think ought to have put the emphasis on father’s day? Mothers put most of the emphasis on mother’s day, and given additionally that the bloggernacle is mostly inhabited by men, one might have expected the fathers themselves to have put the emphasis on father’s day. (Again, I’m talking mostly about T&S here; I don’t recall the mother’s day posts on other blogs.)
Incidentally, my ward’s sacrament meeting programming bears out the trend here in the ‘nacle: Mother’s Day featured a slate of talks about mothers, but on Father’s Day there was no specific mention of fathers at all (the topic was the sacrament), except for boxes of candy bars that were distributed to the fathers after the meeting. Again, since it was men who were in charge of deciding on the themes, one can only conclude that those men, at least, didn’t see fatherhood as sufficiently important to merit a themed meeting, or alternatively that fathers wouldn’t benefit as much from a themed meeting on fatherhood.
Rosalynde - I’m not sure I think either the men or the women of the bloggernacle had primary responsibility to initiate discussion of Father’s Day. I remember reading posts by men and women on Mother’s Day, so I was surprised and disappointed that no one wrote about their fathers, or their experiences as a father. I was disappointed, because I would love to hear from the fathers of the ‘nacle of how they have changed with fatherhood, the joys and challenges of being a father, etc.
And, more significantly, I was disappointed because the lack of posts prompted me to jump to the conclusion that, as you suggest in another context, that fathers don’t “see fatherhood as sufficiently important”. This makes me sad on so many levels. We need to celebrate fathers, just as much as mothers. And the lack of celebration here makes me think that fathers still don’t take their role as fathers as seriously as mothers take their role as mothers.
I think it’s a mistake to assume fathers don’t see fatherhood as sufficiently important. I simply think most men include in their concept of masculinity the idea that drawing attention to oneself and one’s sacrifices is not what it’s all about–it’s not what we do it for.
“I simply think most men include in their concept of masculinity the idea that drawing attention to oneself and ones’sacrifices is not what it’s all about.”
I laughed when I read this. Sure, men are all about modesty and self deprecation. I’m joking, of course, but I don’t think the lack of fatherhood posts has much to do with being modest about their accomplishments. And, I’m not attacking anyone’s fatherhood here, just speculating on the lack of interest.
P.S. I’m sure women don’t work so hard and make so many sacrifices for their children just to get social recognition, either.
Brian, I think that’s the nicest way I’ve ever been told I’m full of myself!
Maybe you’re right, although Ryan’s mild complaint suggests that perhaps he would have liked just a little more attention…
One of my earliest memories of my father is from a vacation we took to California when I was four years old. I don’t remember my cousins’ house, and I don’t remember Disneyland, but I do remember the afternoon we went to the beach. My older siblings were having lots of fun, but I hadn’t yet learned to swim, and the noise of the waves and the tug of the current on my ankles was frightening. Dad took my hand and said “Hang on!” We waded out towards the breakers, and, when the water became too deep for me, he picked me up and carried me. I will always remember how exhiliarating it felt to laugh with dad as the big waves broke over our heads, and how safe I felt as he held me.
My dad never wrestled alligators (as far as I know), but he did chase a bear away from our camp once, armed only with the rocks he could pick up. At the time, I remember being in awe of his bravery, but I doubt he even thought about it. He was simply caring for those he loved.
My father worked 2 jobs for as long as I can remember, and both jobs required a lot of physical exertion. Sometimes he only had 3 or 4 hours of sleep. He never complained about his work or the difficulty of providing for his family. Now that I am a father with responsibilities, I begin to appreciate how very hard it must have been for him. He seemed content with his life and had a greater sense of peace that most people I know. He was impossible to buy gifts for, because he truly wanted nothing.
I am so grateful for his calm nature. In my teenage years, I let him down, badly. When I went to him and told him the problem he could have reacted with shock and incredulity, but instead he reached out, put his hand on my shoulder, and said “Well, these things happen. What do you think we can do to fix it?” This experience has powerfully influenced the way I think about God and the atonement, and has helped me have productive relationships with priesthood leaders.
When I was nine and involved in baseball, I was selected to be the pitcher for our first game. I was one of the biggest boys on the team and I could throw hard, but, as they say in the big leagues, I was fighting my control. Dad took off work three hours every afternoon for a week (remember, this is a man who routinely worked 70-80 hours a week) to catch for me as I learned how to throw strikes. He very patiently showed me how to change speeds and throw accurately, and even how to throw a curve that would “break” as it reached the plate. What a blast!
Here are some other things I am grateful my father taught me:
1. How to drive a standard transmission.
2. How to make friends.
3. How to make barbecue ribs.
4. How to keep a boat in shape, and how to catch fish.
5. How to forgive.
6. To get up early on snowy mornings and make the rounds of widows’ houses in the ward and neighborhood to shovel walks. This really is fun!
7. To be self-reliant and solve problems. Once I had tried to fix a lawnmower but couldn’t figure out how to make it work again. I wanted to take it to the shop and pay somebody else to fix it, but dad said “If another man can do it, you can too.” I was 14 at the time.
8. To seek out mormons who smoke, drink, or who fall short of the ideal in any other obvious way, and socialize with them.
9. Family Home Evening is important.
At dad’s funeral, I met one of his old army buddies. He told me my father was “the best damn man I ever knew”. I always feel complimented when people tell me that I remind them of him.
As I watch my own children grow, I can begin to see the sense of our Heavenly Parent’s plan, with families sealed to one another in love, down through the generations. I think the greatest gift my dad gave me was to trust this plan, and to understand that life is good.
Thanks, dad. I’m still hanging on.
Elisabeth,
First of all, I’m grateful to you for posting about your father. Like Ryan I feel that a little more attention would have been nice. But for the record, I didn’t say or suggest women make sacrifices for self-recognition. Nor did I say that modesty or self-deprecation are the reason there were no Father’s Day posts.
Mother’s Day involves a lot of walking on eggshells for most Mormon men who are faced with the balancing act of praising motherhood and showing appreciation while not putting women up on a pedestal, or over-glamorizing the work that they do. It can be a bit of a minefield, honestly.
I understand not making a comparably big deal about Father’s Day at church because most women that have sacrificed careers and more to be mothers don’t want to hear men talk about how hard it is to trudge off to the office all day long. Men, I think, understand this, so they don’t want to talk about how hard they have it. Most men consider complaining about your problems, especially problems others wish they had, to be at best a sign of a poor attitude, or at worst, a weakness, so they prefer not to make a fuss, rather than provoke resentment from the women they care about, or lose the respect of other men. Also, generally speaking, men are just less emotional in general. That’s my speculation as to why there weren’t any posts, but yours (that I saw).
I feel the way you honored your father with your post and the way Mark talked about his father as touching and appropriate tributes. If sacrament meetings about fatherhood become more commonplace that is the direction I would hope go in.
My husband was, and still is, genuinely surprised at how happy he is to be a father, how much his children mean to him. He really had no idea what it would be like.
But, he has told me, “No one ever showed me how to be a good man–a good husband and father.” Sometimes he wishes for more contact with my father so he can learn by his example.
My father, also, did not have a good father to emulate, yet with the help of the gospel, and my mother, and his love for his children, and his own desire to succeed, he has been a wonderful father.
Even with good examples to follow, parenthood is extremely challenging and impossible to do perfectly. I applaud the fathers who, like my own father and my own husband, have the love and determination to be the best father they possibily can.
Nice comment, Mark.
I think Brian’s on to something about the emotional factor. I think the reason more men don’t get excited about Father’s Day has something to do with the reason there’s no centerpiece or handouts in a priesthood lesson – a fact that doesn’t mean men are less concerned about the gospel nor that men are more focused on the true principles of the gospel. Men are just less likely to find emotional encouragement from such things and thus less likely to desire them.
Yeah, Brian, I really think you’re on to something too. You’re really not an emotional guy at all.
Every man should read Rosalynde’s comment #15 and realize it’s a prime example of why you should never confide to a woman that you got a little choked up watching STAR WARS EPISODE 3: REVENGE OF THE SITH.
They’ll turn around and use it against you.
In spite of that moment of weakness, Rosalynde, I assure you I do have a cold cruel heart–calculating and analytical–the kind that would be perfect for literary theory.
Hi, Brian -
Thanks for explaining your comment. And I apologize if I sounded too flip in my response. I think you’re absolutely right that fathers might feel uncomfortable comparing their sacrifices to their wives’. I agree with you that I hope we can move in the direction of celebrating fathers more.
Mark - that was a wonderful story about your father. Thanks for sharing.
Brian G,
If you hadn’t gotten a bit choked up during Episode III, you certainly wouldn’t be welcome around here. And now Rosalynde isn’t welcome around her for mocking your tender emotions for that movie.
Elisabeth, you don’t need to apologize and you didn’t sound flip. You rock and I really respect you.
***Spoilers Included***
Davis, when Obi-Wan shouted “You were the Chosen One!” I couldn’t help it. I just got this huge lump in my throat. And when Anakin’s clothes caught on fire and he’s just lying there burning with only one good arm, by that time the game was over, I had to reach for a tissue. I’m man enough to admit it.
Now if you excuse me I’m going to go be sensitive somewhere else.
Mark, lovely tribute to your father.
I never really had a father–long story.
But I’ve seen how my husband, imperfect as he is, is a strength to our kids, even when they choose to reject our values. When they are troubled or their kids are sick, they call him.
It’s right along the same lines as when you hear about how some smart-alec kid talkes back to or puts down his mother and gets smacked across the face by his father- you just treat women better. No man is going to refuse gifts from their kids, but it’s no big deal if he doesn’t get them. But my dad made sure that my mom’s birthday and mothers day was something special. And no, i’m not saying that we love our mothers more- it’s just the whole protection, taking care of women kind of thing that men do.